“You’re not second. You’ve never been second, Avery, but I can’t just leave my job like that. Would I love to take a vacation with you right now? Yes, absolutely, but that’s not possible, so no, I wouldn’t have considered it.”
“I’m not second? Are you seriously saying that right now?” I know that he can see the shock on my face. “Because you’re full of shit, Jax. When was the last time you told me that you loved me? When was the last time you even held my hand? When was the last time you tried to touch me or flirt with me? Fuck, when was the last time we had sex? Answer any of those questions then tell me I’m not second in your life.”
The tears are filling my eyes. It’s been so long since heard his laugh, or felt his soft loving touch on my skin.
Jax’
s face falls. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happened, but it’s not just me, Avery. I tried to kiss you this morning, and you turned away. I’m trying, Avery.”
“So, you tried to kiss me for the first time in six months. Wow, I’m surprised that I didn’t fall at your feet.” I roll my eyes at him because I know how much he hates it. “I’m sure that I’m to blame as well in this. Look at it from my side for a moment. I work because I have nothing else. I don’t have a throng of fans lined up from here to Canada. I don’t have a gaggle of worshipers fighting and clawing to get close to me. All I have is my job. I keep up with this house, your schedule, and all your finances; what else do I have? All I get is lonely nights, late night phone calls, and the occasional date. And even that hasn’t happened in a very long time.”
“You have friends. Go out with them. Hell, go with me on a few road games. Yeah, I’ll have stuff to do, but there is usually a little window of free time, too. Or call your family and go on vacation.”
“A little window of time? Really. So, you can pencil me in. God, I don’t know whether I should be grateful or offended. How about this? I’ll get your work schedule together and my schedule, and then I’ll pencil in when we can be together. Maybe you can spare three minutes next Friday? You know, to say hi. Would that work for you?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m trying to work around my schedule because something, even a little window, is better than nothing.”
“You know what, forget it. I'm going to call Jasmine, and I'm going to take that vacation. Maybe time apart would be better." I give up arguing with him. There isn’t any point. He doesn’t even realize that our marriage is failing.
Chapter Three
Jax
She wants space, away from me and from our marriage. Maybe it will be good for us. It could be a chance away from one another to focus on what we can do to repair us. I mull over Avery’s words one more time. I run over all my memories of the past six months and my shoulders sag in defeat. She’s right. I’ve put her second, something that seemed impossible until right this moment. Over the summer, when we could have spent a lot of time together without worrying about my job, I put all of my focus on hockey.
We didn’t make the playoffs and the pressure, mostly from myself, got to me. I spent my summer in the gym or in the rink. Even this morning, I automatically chose my teammates first when I didn’t have to. What’s done is done though. Avery can go on vacation, which she deserves anyway, and once she returns, hockey will come second as much as possible. I love my wife more than anything, and I don’t want to lose her.
Avery stormed off into our bedroom, so I walk that way. I can hear her in the bathroom, probably getting ready to take a shower. The door is cracked, just enough that I can see her grabbing some fresh towels. I push it open a little more and alert her to my presence.
“Do you want me to call my travel agent to arrange things for you? Where are you going to go anyway?”
She glances over her shoulder at me, and I can see the debate in her mind. “Somewhere warm,” she finally replies. “Thanks.”
I nod, moving to stand in front of her. “I’ll give her a call then.” As I cup her face, I continue, “I have to get back to the rink for tonight. Things will get better, I promise. I love you.” My lips meet hers for a soft, gentle kiss for only a few moments before I pull away.
“I love you too, Jax,” she whispers.
I kiss her one more time before leaving. Hearing those words is just enough to make me feel better about things and our future.
When I arrive at the arena, the usual pre-game excitement I’ve felt for as long as I’ve played isn’t quite the same. If my job, my career, what I love to do, truly is a serious threat to me not making my wife as happy as possible, could I give that up? I’d find a way to do it for her if she asked and if it would keep me from losing her. I don’t think things are that bad though. At least, I don’t think it’s my job specifically.
Our marriage was fine and Avery never minded my job. The problem is that I’m not making time for her because I’m too focused on my job. Right? That’s what she said. All I have to do is treat Avery like she’s my wife and put her first, before hockey.
The thrum of excitement builds again now that I’ve cleared my head. We’re playing the Indiana Mustangs tonight and if I had to choose a favorite team to play against, aside from Ashton’s, it would be them. It’s obvious why I love playing against Ashton Campbell. He’s been my best friend since college and is the captain of our rivals, the Utah Bears. With the Mustangs, it always feels like they are playing with the most determination, and that makes it more fun.
Once we’re on the ice and the game gets underway, I do the second thing I do best: run my mouth. It’s all good-natured most of the time, but according to Ashton, I have a way of doing it to irritate every last one of them. That thought makes me smile.
“Hey, Ross, are you sure you don’t want to retire and play golf instead?”
After I score, I say, “I give hockey lessons in my free time. Maybe you should consider signing up.”
Things get heated when they tie the game up in the third. I start spitting out whatever comes to mind. When I piss off Brody Ross, their captain, by crossing the line and mentioning his girlfriend, I can’t help grinning as he shoves me hard into the boards while his stick moves between my legs as he tries to hit the puck out from where I’ve jammed it between my skate and the wall. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. That’s all I need because a teammate comes up next to me and I quickly pass it to him. I score seconds later on a rebound, giving us a lead.
We play hard and it shows on the scoreboard at the end of the night. If only fixing my marriage came with a playbook, I could follow it and come out on the winning side of that as well.
~ ~ ~
Things seem to have slightly improved since Avery booked her trip. She seems excited and ready to go. We’ve said I love you a little more and I kiss her before either of us leaves the house. The one night I come home and didn’t immediately want to go to bed, but instead wanted to have sex with my wife, I come home to a note.