Finding Carson Lee (Oh Captain, My Captain 3)

“Not as often as you might think, actually.” God, can we please change the subject?

My saving grace ends up being Mr. Wright. “Are you ready for the season to start?”

“Yes, I am. It’ll feel good to get back to work and start playing and traveling again, to get back into my routine.”

“I hear that Ashton Campbell in Utah is going to be hard to beat,” he says.

“No harder than the rest of them. I’m just hoping for us to have a better season. And maybe get Kinley interested in hockey enough to use the correct terms, at least. Otherwise, I’m not sure how long this will last,” I joke.

Kinley rolls her eyes and slightly shakes her head at me.

“She better know the terms if she might be working with more players. What did you end up deciding, Kinley?” Mr. Wright asks her.

“Working with more players?” I look at Kinley for an explanation. What is he talking about? What decision?

“Um, yeah,” she starts shaky. “I was going to tell you the other day. My boss gave me a choice between the hockey campaigns or football, and I picked hockey.” She clears her throat and shrugs like it’s no big deal.

But it’s a big fucking deal.

With worry, Mrs. Wright asks, “Does that mean more traveling and long hours?”

She nods. “Yes, M

ama, it does.”

“Wait a second.” We need to backtrack here because I’m not understanding this at all. “What do you mean you picked hockey? What happened to football? That’s all you talked about.” She was close to falling apart with the pressure she felt from wanting the football promotion so badly. And she just gave it up?

“It was. And while it would have been a promotion, it was still a lesser position than if I chose hockey. I wouldn’t be able to lead campaigns like I do now. Plus, I’m working on signing more players soon, so I wanted to see it all through. I was going to tell you,” she adds like that’s the most important part of this discussion, but it’s not.

“Oh, I see.” I nod, even though I don’t see it. “That makes sense then, I guess.”

Mr. Wright smiles at his daughter. “Well, I’m proud of you, Kinley. Your hard work and determination has paid off, and I think that’s what we should be celebrating tonight.”

“Yeah, to Kinley’s success,” I add, but the bad feeling just keeps growing.

The rest of dinner goes smoothly, but I can’t stop thinking about this turn of events as we drive back to my house, so Kinley can drop me off. Things have been quiet until she breaks the silence.

“That wasn’t so bad, huh?”

“Guess not,” I answer simply.

“Okay,” she trails. “Are you mad that I didn’t tell you about the promotion? Because I was going to, but then we went and met Gracie, and I sort of forgot until tonight. I was going to tell you.”

“I’m not mad, Kinley. Mostly confused still, but if you’re satisfied, then that’s good.” It doesn’t feel good though.

“Well, I might need your help teaching me more hockey because I still don’t know the difference with offsides and icing,” she says trying to lighten my mood.

“Okay. We’ll have to go over some games at some point then.”

“Oh, will it be classics of the great Carson Lee?”

“Is there any other way?” I smile as we pull into my driveway. Before she can make a move to get out, I clear my throat and tell her, “I have an early start in the morning, so I’m heading to bed early. I’ll see you at the party?”

She doesn’t believe me. She shouldn’t because I’m lying, but she doesn’t question me. “Um, sure, yeah. I’ll see you at the party.”

I lean over the console, kiss her, and then head inside. Her explanation doesn’t make sense to me. Yeah, the promotion was bigger if she went with hockey, but football was her dream. Why wouldn’t she choose that and work her way up until she reached the position she wanted in the field she’s been going after for who knows how long? Surely, she didn’t choose hockey because of me.

Kinley wouldn’t do that, right? We’re not even serious. I mean, we’re serious enough that we’re in a type of relationship that requires no lying, cheating, and trust. We are not, however, in a type of relationship that should affect our careers and the decisions we make regarding it. If something were to happen and I were traded, I wouldn’t think about the relationship at all. Career first. Everything else second. I thought Kinley was that way too, but maybe she isn’t.