“I’ve got to go Raegan.” I hold back the tears as I walk out the café and climb into my truck, and when I’m down the road I lose it like a big baby. She called him last night, the ex. She could have called me and we could have worked through everything but she called him instead. He seems to win every time, I hate that. I always knew I could get hurt in this relationship, but I never knew it could hurt this bad.
My phone rings as I pull up at the apartment. Whitney. “Hello?”
“Hey, brother what’s going on? Everything cool with you and Raegan?”
“No. Nothing is cool.”
“Garrett, what the hell happened? Where are you?”
“I’m home now. She met with her Dad for lunch and all of a sudden went off like a damn bomb. She told him she wasn’t ready for this, and then told me she needed fucking space. Because I’m stupid, Whitney. I fucking raised my voice at her and if I could take it back I would. I can’t be around her. I’m not quitting the gym, I’ll do everything when she’s not there. I knew this was a fucking mistake. I don’t know if I can ever heal from this.” We didn’t even fight, that’s what I don’t get. I know she was pissed when I answered her phone, but I was just trying to help her. I was jealous, but I didn’t mean to yell at her.
Did I expect us to fall apart this quickly? Not in my wildest dreams.
“I’m so sorry, Garrett. She’ll come around, she was just scared. I’m not taking her side, I know it sounds that way, but I’m just trying to offer you the best advice I can.”
“I don’t know that I want to wait. She ripped my heart out.” That was bullshit; I would wait forever for her if I had to. I love her too much to let her go over something so petty, but if she wants space, she’ll get it.
“Shit, Howard’s coming and I’m not resting. I’ve got to go.”
She quickly hung up the phone and I was alone in this apartment staring at all the little shit that reminded me of the last girl who would ever break my heart. I retreat to my room feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus, and Raegan was the driver. Staring at the ceiling doesn’t help, the sun is still up and I wish it would hurry and set. I’d rather sit alone in the dark.
I want to call her and beg her to forgive me but I’m painfully reminded that I need to abide by her wishes and give her space. I could call Lance and see if he wants to go out tonight; the thought lingers before I dismiss it. I don’t want to look at any other woman. Raegan has really done me in.
***
Two months have passed by since Raegan needed her space. She hasn’t trained with any of us but I’ve caught every single one of her fights. I didn’t quit the gym, I can’t. I refuse to let her see she’s getting under my skin. I’m not stalking her; if this is as close as I can get to her then I’ll take it.
One of her fights was against Marley again. I wanted to be on the side of the ring rooting for her but I’d have to settle for standing in the shadows. Raegan won, of course. I was so proud of her, but she couldn’t know. Lance’s talked to her and of course Whitney. One of the things I learned from Whitney was that she’s been meeting with her dad. That made me glad to hear but I was still hurting because she wasn’t talking to me.
I’m glad something changed and she decided to give this a go. I’ve texted her once or twice, each time no reply. Can’t say I really blame her. One night, I almost called her but quickly threw that idea out. She wasn’t going to answer. If she’s not answering my texts, why would she pick up a phone call? Whitney’s belly was growing more every day; she’ll be having the baby soon. Howard is more than thrilled; I’ve been spending more time with them since my world has been turned upside down.
I’m miserable. I do nothing but train, fight, and sit at home. Lance called me every name in the book trying to get me to go to Joe’s with him but I couldn’t do it. If I saw her out at the bar, it would kill me even more.
It’s Saturday night and Lance has been blowing my phone up nonstop. Finally, I answer, before he decides to show up. He’s been supportive but he misses his best friend. It isn’t fair to him that I quit having a life because some girl; no, she isn’t just some girl, she’s my Raegan.
“Hello?” I try to make it sound like I’m occupied, rather than sitting on my ass staring at the TV.
“Come out with me tonight, Garrett. You can’t stay cooped up forever. It’s been two months.” His point is valid, but I want to be here ready to jump up and run to her when she finally calls because she will. She fucking will, I know it.
“I don’t want to go out. What if Raegan calls?”
“Geez, shit man. You’ve been saying that every day for the past two months. Get the fuck off your ass and move on. What if she has?” I won’t listen to what he said; the thought of her moving on kills me. When I don’t say anything, Lance continues, “Rumor has it she’s fighting tonight. Come with me, hide in your little shadow to get your fix, and then let’s go out. I miss you, it’s not the same without you, man.”
I take a deep breath, thinking maybe I should listen to him. I didn’t know she was fighting tonight.
“I’ll meet you there,” I mumble.
“Shut up, don’t lie to me.”
“I will be there, Lance.”
I hang up, then struggle to pull myself off the couch and into the shower to get ready. Seeing her each time gets harder and harder, and I’m not sure whether I really want to put myself through this hell tonight.
Chapter 34
Raegan
Garrett will never know how hard it was to walk away from him that day two months ago. Things were so foggy from the night before, and I knew it had nothing to do with James. It was just that everything we did felt rushed. After jail and everything, I basically never left his apartment. We lived together not knowing whether we really even wanted to. Things fell into place, but it was too peachy. Until he yelled at me. Then I realized there might be more to Garrett than I’d realized.