I rattled off the directions, then excused myself, giving them time to talk alone so I could go to the gym and get ready for the fight.
Every time I show up at the gym, I look around for Garrett’s truck. I know he won’t be here while I am, but I’m always nervous he’ll show up just to talk. There have been so many times in the past two months I’ve wanted to call him, but I was a coward. He texted twice and I cried. Nancy heard and came in the room to make sure I was all right, and I shoved the phone toward her so she could read his messages.
Raegan, baby, I’m so sorry for everything I did to make you feel this way. Please talk to me.
I miss you so much. I love you and I’ll never give up on you…ever.
I’m content as I head into Lou’s. Things are finally beginning to look up in my life. Now, I only hope things with Garrett will start to look up, if I can bring myself to talk to him.
Howard stands on the mat facing Lance, trying to show him a blocking technique, when I skip over in a bubbly mood.
“Hey guys!”
“Well, you’re happy. Talk to Garrett?”
“No.” I turned to face Howard. “I’m excited because my dad is coming to my fight tonight, isn’t that awesome? But I’m also a little anxious. So we’ll see.”
“Things are going good, Raegan? I’m glad to hear that. Go get ready, meet us out here.”
I ran off to change, hearing my phone beep. I pulled it out to find a text from Garrett.
I can’t go much longer without you, Raegan, please.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I contemplated texting him back. Instead, I threw the phone on top of my keys and ran back to the mats where Lance and Howard stood.
“Hey, where’s Whitney?”
“She’s with Garrett, said she wanted to spend some time with him.”
Whitney hasn’t treated me any differently since my falling out with Garrett. In fact, we’ve talked just about the same. I couldn’t help but keep buying her stuff for the baby even though she had more than enough. She didn’t have much longer before she’d be a mom; it was a bit surreal.
“Who am I fighting tonight?”
“No clue yet. Lay on the mat, Lance’s going to try to pin you, show me how you would get out of it.”
Lance raised his eyebrows seductively as I positioned myself below him. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes dramatically with every stupid remark he made. I burst out laughing when he tried to mock me and almost lost his balance. It took me three tries to get out from how he had me pinned but I got it. The rest of the time we sat around bullshitting until Whitney walked in—with Garrett right behind her.
I know he’s been to the fights, though I haven’t personally seen him. But I can feel his presence. To look at him and pretend I feel nothing is impossible. Every piece of my insides is burning to feel his touch, to taste his kiss, but I continue to talk to Lance instead. Part of me hopes Garrett will come up to me and initiate a conversation, but within five minutes he’s gone and I cry inside, hating myself for letting him go.
“Hey, Lance, how’s your mom?” I ask timidly, not wanting to stir anything up. Ever since he first told me, I occasionally ask about her but I don’t push it. I feel even more like a coward because today I’m using this to camouflage the hurt inside me.
“She’s doing the same.” His expression is distant, as if he’s miles away. “All I can do is tell her how much I love her every day.”
I hugged him close, telling him everything would be okay. Inside, I was telling myself everything would be okay for the both of us—and not quite believing it.
***
Howard preps me like he always does, a
nd I listen like I do every time. I look out into the sea of faces until I spot Dad and Nancy. I’m surprised she came; I know how she feels about violence. I wave to them and then turn my attention to Blaize as he begins his rundown.
“Hey, guys, what the hell is up?” The crowd goes wild like usual. “Lineup time, let’s see what we have in store tonight. Travis Pierce and Lance Jones as the main event but first we have a little girl action for you.” Oh barf, he never says anything this lame, but of course the one night my dad comes he decides to. “We have your favorite and mine, Raegan Montgomery and Beth Granger!” The crowd cheers, my name comes up a few times, and I even heard Lance’s. He gives me a thumbs up as I finish getting ready before stepping into the ring.
If I’ve learned anything from fighting it’s to tune out the crowd, but I’ll be damned if I don’t look out and meet Garrett’s soft blue eyes. He offers a kind smile but I don’t have time to reciprocate because Beth tries to catch me off guard. I block her punch and retaliate with one of my own. She stumbles back but she has no intentions of giving up this soon.
Howard is yelling something from the side and I can barely hear him. I begin to shuffle around pondering my next move. I attempt to leg sweep her but she moves and I almost plant my face against the hard mat. I pull myself up quickly, throwing a punch that lands right upside her jaw. I hear a voice from Howard’s direction and I look over to see my dad there cheering me on. A sense of pride comes over me and I feel empowered as I throw another punch. Beth blocks this one and I get a slight advantage when her ponytail slips. A strand of her blonde hair falls in her face and I take the chance to get in that punch. Soon after, I pull her down, pinning her for my victory. I could have cried I was so happy. And to see my dad’s face as he watched me, he was proud. He didn’t have to say it, I knew it.
“Baby girl, you were awesome. I’m so proud of you,” he exclaims, appearing out of nowhere and pulling me in for a hug despite the sweat. That’s love.