“When’s the last time you ate? I’m going to make us some soup,” Coley announced as she got up from the couch and made her way to the kitchen, not waiting for an argument from Rebecca.
“I actually believed that we had something special. I should have known better. It was happening too fast and too intensely.” Rebecca grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. “I loved him. I really did. I know that might sound crazy since it was so quick, but I allowed my heart to throw caution to the wind.” She blew her nose again. “And look where that got me.”
“I think you’re being too rash in assuming you guys are over. You don’t have all the facts yet,” Neely tried to offer.
“And you know, I actually got the whole DD thing. I finally understood why you all believe in it and live it. It was something I was prepared to give him. My biggest gift was giving him my full and complete submission.” Rebecca’s sobs became too much, and she could no longer talk. Not that it mattered. She had nothing left to say. Her heart hurt. Her body ached. Her soul was shattered.
All she could do at that moment was close her eyes and hope that the darkness would take away some of the pain. Sleep was all she had left at this point that could offer some sort of comfort.
She wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep, but she awoke to her phone ringing and Neely answering it. Rebecca sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as Neely walked over and handed her the cell with a gentle smile on her face.
“It’s Sawyer,” Neely announced.
51
Rebecca stormed into the house without even knocking. All sense of reason, respectability, and sanity had left her days ago, he was sure. He was pretty positive he had put the poor girl through hell. “It’s been two fucking days! Where the hell have you been?” she demanded.
Sawyer flinched at the pain and anger in her voice. He hated that he’d hurt her, but he couldn’t deal with anything but the pain and the blackness that almost swallowed him up on a minute-by-minute basis. The previous days had passed in a blur. “I’m sorry. I know I should have called sooner. It’s just that I—”
“What? That you are a coward and couldn’t break up with me in person? You don’t have the balls to end it like a man?” Fury had his beautiful Rebecca turning red as her small frame stiffened more with every attacking word. He had never seen her so angry or so hurt before.
His eyes welled with tears he couldn’t fight off, and he swore under his breath. “My brother died.” Saying the words aloud filled him with a sudden urge to vomit. It made it real. Too real.
“Amos?” Her voice went from screeching banshee to barely audible in an instant. “Dead?” Her brown eyes filled with tears. “Oh God. Oh, God!”
Sawyer cringed inside. He’d spent the last two days not sure whether he could survive, but somehow he’d come out of the black tunnel. He had to. But now, standing here and telling the woman he loved that his brother was dead almost buckled his knees. He wasn’t strong enough to breathe right, let alone to comfort Rebecca, but he owed her something.
The full implication of his words seemed to hit her as she gasped, and the blood drained from her face. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she raised a trembling hand to her lips. “How?”
“Overdose.” He couldn’t stand not touching her. He pulled her trembling body to his and held her tightly. “I should have called,” he whispered as he petted her hair. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.”
“Are you okay? I’m so sorry.” She pulled away from his embrace and stroked the side of his face. “Is there anything I can do?” She started to cry and shake her head, as if in denial. “You must be in so much pain. Amos… he overdosed?”
“I warned him. I told him that shit would kill him someday.” Sawyer just shook his head and walked away. He needed to sit down before he collapsed.
“What can I do? What about the funeral? Do you want me to help with that?” Rebecca followed him to the couch and sat down beside him.
“No. Amos didn’t roll like that. He would have hated that shit.”
She nodded in agreement, swiping at her tears. “Is there anything I can do at all? I’m here for you in any way you need.”
Sawyer bent his head, elbows on his knees, covering his face. He closed his eyes, trying his best to block out the agony. It didn’t help that Rebecca started to rub his back. He knew her intent was to offer comfort, but she was only increasing his pain.