Darkest Hour (Cutler 5)

"If she goes out and meets people again, Papa, it will help her."

"Party?" he said.

"The Thompson twins' Sweet Sixteen party, Papa. Everyone's going. Don't you remember?" I asked, my voice filled with desperation.

He shook his head.

"You think all I got to do these days is worry about some silly birthday celebration? When did you say this was?" he asked.

"This Saturday night, Papa. We got the invitation a while ago," I said. An empty feeling began to swirl around at the bottom of my stomach.

"This Saturday night? I can't attend," he declared. "I won't be back from my business trip until Sunday morning."

"But Papa . . . who'll take Mamma and Emily and me?"

"I doubt your mother will go," he said. "If Emily goes, you can attend. That way you'll be properly chaperoned, but if she doesn't go, you don't go," he declared firmly.

"Papa. This is the most important party of the . . . of the year. Every one of my friends at school are going and all the families around here are attending."

"It's a party," he said, "isn't it? You're not old enough to go on your own. I'll speak to Emily about it and leave instructions," he said.

"But Papa, Emily doesn't like parties . . . she doesn't even have a proper dress or shoes and . . ."

"That's not my fault," he said. "You got only one older sister and unfortunately, your mother is not well these days."

"Then why are you going away again?" I snapped back, far more quickly and more sharply than I had intended, but I was desperate, frustrated and angry and the words just popped out on their own.

Papa's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. His face turned as crimson as a cherry and he rose out of his seat with a fury that sent me stumbling backward until I bumped into a high-backed chair. He looked like he would explode, parts of him going every which way.

"How dare you speak to me that way! How dare you be insolent!" he roared and came around his desk.

I cowered quickly, sitting in the chair. "I'm sorry, Papa. I didn't mean to be insolent," I cried, the tears flowing before he had a chance to raise his arm. My crying calmed the storm raging in him and he simply stood fuming over me for a moment.

Then, in a controlled but still very wrathful tone of voice, he pointed to the door and said, "March yourself right up to your room and shut yourself in there until I give you permission to come out, hear? I don't want you even to go to school until I say so."

"But Papa—"

"You're not to leave that room!" he ordered. I looked down quickly. "Upstairs!"

Slowly, I rose and inched by him, my head still lowered. He followed me to the doorway.

"Go on, get up there and close that door. I don't want to set eyes on your face or hear your voice," he boomed.

My heart was thumping and my feet felt leaden. Papa yelled so loud all the servants peeked out of doors. I saw Vera and Tottie in the doorway of the dining room and at the top of the stairs, I saw Emily glaring down.-

"That girl is being punished," Papa announced. "She's not to set foot out of her room until I say so. Mrs. Slope, see that her meals are brought to her room."

"Yes sir," Vera said.

Emily's head bobbed up and down on her long, thin neck as I walked past her. Her lips were pursed and her eyes small and piercing. I knew that once again she felt justified and supported in her convictions that I was a bad seed. There was no point in appealing to her, even on behalf of Mamma. I went into my room and closed my door and prayed that Papa would calm down soon enough for me to go to the party.

But he didn't and he left The Meadows for his business trip without giving me permission to leave my room. I had spent all my time reading and sitting by the window looking out over the grounds, hoping and praying that Papa would find a softness in his heart and forgive me for my insolence, but with no one to take my part, Mamma confused and shut up in her own world, and Emily gleeful about my state of affairs, I had no advocate. I begged Vera to ask Papa to come see me. When she returned to bring me my next meal, she reported that he had shaken his head and said, "I haven't got time for nonsense now. Let her mull over her behavior a while longer."

I nodded, despondent.

"I mentioned the party," Vera revealed, and I looked up hopefully.

"And?"