Darkest Hour (Cutler 5)

"He said Emily wasn't going, so there wasn't any need to beg him to let you go. I'm sorry," Vera said.

"Thank you for trying, Vera," I told her, and she left.

I was positive Niles asked after me at school, but got no satisfactory explanation out of Emily. On the day of the party, however, he came to The Meadows and asked if he could see me. Vera had to tell him I was being punished and wasn't permitted any visitors. She sent him off.

"At least he knows what's wrong," I muttered when Vera reported his appearance. "Did he say anything else?"

"No, but his chin dropped to his feet and he looked like someone had told him he couldn't go to the party either," Vera said.

That afternoon passed so slowly. I sat by the windows watching the sunlight diminish. On my bed I had my best dress spread out with my prettiest shoes on the floor, shoes I had dreamt of dancing in until my legs collapsed beneath me. During one of her clear moments, Mamma had given me an emerald necklace to wear with a matching emerald bracelet. I had those pieces beside the dress. From time to time, I would look at it all longingly and dream of myself all dressed up.

After dark, that was exactly what I did. I prepared myself just as I would have if Papa had left permission for me to attend the party. I took my bath and then sat before my vanity table and brushed and pinned my hair. Then I got into my party dress and my shoes and put on the jewelry Mama had given me. Vera brought me my dinner and was shocked, but also delighted.

"You look so nice, honey," she said. "I'm sorry you can't go."

"But I am going, Ver

a," I told her. "I'm going to imagine everything and pretend."

She laughed and revealed a little about her youth.

"When I was your age, I used to walk up to the Pendletons' plantation whenever they had one of their big, gala affairs, and I would sneak up as close as I could and gape at all the finely dressed women in their white satin and white muslin ballgowns and the men, gallant in their waistcoats and cravats. I'd listen to the laughter and the music flowing through the open windows over the verandas and I would dance with my eyes closed, imagining I was a fancy young lady. Of course I wasn't, but it was fun nevertheless.

"Oh well," she added, shrugging, "I'm sure there will be other parties for you, other times for you to dress up and look as pretty as you look now. Good night, honey," she added, and left.

I didn't eat much; my eyes were on the clock most of the time. I tried to envision what was happening at every hour. Now the guests were arriving. The music was playing. The twins were greeting everyone at the door. I felt sorry for Niles, who I knew had to take his position with the family and look happy and excited. Surely, he was thinking of me. A while later, I imagined people were dancing. If I were there, Niles would have asked me. I let my imagination carry me off. I began to hum and move around my small room, envisioning Niles's hand on my waist and my hand in his. Everyone at the party was watching us. We were the most handsome young couple there.

When the music stopped, Niles suggested we get something to eat. I went over to the tray Vera had brought up and nibbled on something, pretending Niles and I were feasting on roast beef and turkey and salads. After we ate, the music started again and again we were on the dance floor. I was floating in his arms.

"De da, de da, de, da, da, da," I sang, and swirled around my bedroom until I heard a rapping on my window and caught myself. I gasped and looked out at a dark figure staring in. He tapped on the window again. My heart was pounding. Then I heard my name and rushed to the window. It was Niles.

"What are you doing? How did you get up here?" I cried after throwing the window up.

"I climbed, shimmied up the rough gutter pipe. Can I come in?"

"Oh Niles," I said, looking at my door. "If Emily should find out . . ."

"She won't. We'll keep our voices down."

I stepped back and he entered. He looked so handsome in his suit and tie, even though his hair was wild from the climbing and his hands were black with dirt from the gutter pipe and the roof.

"You'll ruin your clothes. Look at you," I declared, standing back. There was a streak of dirt across his left cheek. "Go into my bathroom and wash up," I ordered. I tried to sound upset and critical, but my heart was bursting with joy. He laughed and hurried into the bathroom. A few moments later, he came out, wiping his hands on the towel.

"Why did you do this?" I asked. I was sitting on my bed, my hands in my lap.

"I decided without you the party was no fun anyway. I stayed for everything I had to stay for and then I snuck away. No one's even going to notice. There are so many people there and my sisters are very occupied. Their dance cards are filled for the night."

"Tell me about the party. Is it everything it was supposed to be? Are the decorations wonderful? And the music, is the music wonderful."

He just stood there, smiling at me.

"Slow down," he said. "Yes, the decorations came out great and the music is very good, but don't ask me what other girls are wearing. I wasn't looking at other girls; I was thinking only of you."

"Go on, Niles Thompson. With all those pretty young women there . . ."

"I'm here, aren't I?" he pointed out. "Anyway," he said, stepping back to drink me in, "you look rather beautiful for a shut-in."

"What? Oh," I said, blushing. I realized I had been caught in the midst of my make-believe. "I . . ."