Secrets of the Morning (Cutler 2)

"And that's exactly what we will do," Jimmy said. "If you are lying and you knew, we will be back with the police to charge you as an accessory to a crime."

"I don't lie," she said defiantly, her pencil-thin lips drawn so tightly I thought they would snap like rubber bands. Jimmy glared back at her a long moment and then straightened up.

"Let's get out of here, Dawn," he said.

"Yes, and good riddance," Miss Emily replied.

Something exploded inside me. All the pain and anger I had held in, all I had shut up in my heart came pouring out. Every harsh and cutting word she had said to me, all the bitter food she had forced me to eat, the darkness she had shut me up in, and the way she had made me feel lower than the lowest form of life was finally regurgitated like the sour things they were.

"Oh no, Miss Emily," I said slowly, walking around the desk toward her, "good riddance to you. Good riddance to your ugly, frustrated and hateful face. Good riddance to your religious hypocrisy, to your making everyone else feel evil and despicable while you are the most evil and despicable thing in this house. Good riddance to your miserly ways, except when it comes to yourself. Good riddance to your jealousy of everything soft and beautiful. Good riddance to your pretense of wanting everything clean while you yourself live in the muck and darkness of this coffin you call a home."

I stood right beside her and looked down at her.

"I have never in my life ever wanted to say goodbye to anything as much as I want to say goodbye to you. And do you know, Miss Emily, being here, living with you and seeing what you are has made me feel sorry for the devil, for when you die you are sure to go to hell and even Satan doesn't deserve something as horrid as you."

I pivoted on my heels and left her sitting there with her mouth open, her eyes frozen wide with shock, looking like a corpse. Jimmy took my hand and smiled.

"Momma would have sure loved to see and hear that," he said.

"I'm sure she did," I replied as we marched out of the dark library.

Just after we walked out the front door and down the steps of the portico toward Jimmy's car, I heard Charlotte call my name and turned to see her come running out of the house.

"Who's that?" Jimmy asked.

Charlotte had her hair in her long pigtails as usual and wore the same pink shift with the ribbon yellow belt she wore the day I had arrived. She had her father's slippers on and shuffled down the walk.

"It's Charlotte," I said. "It's all right. I want to say goodbye to her."

"Are you going for a ride?" Charlotte asked, her eyes on Jimmy.

"I'm leaving, Charlotte, I've got to go and find my baby," I told her.

"Oh, you have to go now," she said, looking from me to Jimmy.

"Yes."

"Well then, here," she said, thrusting her hands toward me. She gave me a piece of needlework. I opened it and gazed upon a picture of a young woman who looked remarkably like me, only her hair was long and pretty and she was in a beautiful light blue dress. In her arms she held a baby and gazed down at it lovingly.

"Oh Charlotte, it's beautiful. I can't believe you made it. You are very, very talented. You must have been working on it a long time," I said.

"Yesterday," she said and I laughed. Everything was yesterday. Maybe it was her way of erasing all the horrid days in between. Maybe she really was a lot smarter than Miss Emily thought.

"Well, thank you, Charlotte." I gazed back at the house. "Don't let her torment you or make you feel evil. You're better than she is, much better." I hugged her. "Goodbye, Charlotte."

"Goodbye. Oh, when you come back, could you bring some sour balls. I haven't had sour balls since . . ."

"Since yesterday," I said. "Yes, I will see that you get bags and bags of them."

She smiled and stood there watching us get into the car. As Jimmy pulled away and we bounced down the rutted driveway, I looked back at the brooding, dark plantation house with the shadows painted on it and saw Charlotte waving like a little girl. It brought tears to my eyes.

Jimmy turned out of the driveway and the mansion disappeared from sight, but it would never disappear from my mind. It had a place forever and ever in the closet of my most horrible memories. Being free of it, however, made me burst into tears. I sobbed so hard that Jimmy had to stop to put his arms around me and comfort me.

"I'm all right, Jimmy," I said. "I'm just so happy to be out of that place. Just drive and get us as far away from here as quickly as possible."

Ahead of us the sky looked blue. It was as if the darkest clouds always lived over The Meadows and its grounds, for as we moved farther and farther away, it became brighter and warmer looking. I had forgotten just how much I loved the sight of green and the smell of fresh grass. I felt like someone who had been released from prison, like someone who had been shut up from all that was beautiful and good in the world and was now able to feast her eyes on it all once again. It filled me with renewed hope and renewed determination. I felt myself growing stronger and stronger every passing moment.

"Jimmy, please take us to Cutler's Cove as quickly as you can. I want to see Grandmother Cutler and make her tell us where she sent my baby before too much time passes."