“I know,” I said, following that with a deep sigh, one of my best, actually. Anyone might think I would close my eyes next and float to the floor like a leaf in the fall, too overwhelmed with the winds of sorrow to resist being torn away from the branch. I started again for the stairway, walking with my head down, my shoulders slumping with the weight of my sadness.
“Just a moment, Haylee.”
I turned, surprised at the commanding tone of her voice. “What?”
“I’m still here because I’ve been waiting for you,” she said quickly, stepping closer. “I promised your father.”
I looked up the stairway. “What’s happening now? Has there been something new about Kaylee?”
“No, nothing that I know. Your father is with your mother,” she quickly continued.
“With my mother? Where?”
“Dr. Jaffe thought it best if we admitted her to his clinic now. Being here in this environment at this time is putting too much stress on her and reinforcing her condition. She’ll get more intense and frequent treatment at the clinic. You’ll be able to visit her when Dr. Jaffe thinks it’s appropriate.”
“When he thinks it’s appropriate? I can’t visit her now?”
“Not yet. He wants to give her a few days to adjust. He thinks that seeing you without your sister would only exacerbate her problem.”
“Exacerbate?”
“Intensify the situation. I know it’s going to be hard for you, but we have to think of what’s best for your mother now. I’ll be going in a little while. Perhaps I’ll come back when she’s released. I can stay until your father comes home, if you like.”
“I think I’m going to throw up,” I said. “I shouldn’t have eaten lunch.”
Before she could say another word, I charged up the stairs and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. I stood there for a few moments listening. As I expected, she started up the stairs behind me. I went into the bathroom and began to run the water in the sink. I heard her knocking but ignored it for a moment, looking at myself in the mirror. I was a little stunned that it was all happening so fast and happening the way I had decided would be best for me, but it was difficult to hold back my excitement. Mother was being committed to a clinic. Daddy would be busy with his work and with Mother’s treatment. I strongly doubted that any of our relatives would come to spend time here. Nana Clara Beth wasn’t going to like visiting Mother in a mental clinic. She’d find every excuse there was to avoid it. I’d really and truly be on my own . . . finally.
“Haylee?” Mrs. Lofter called, knocking again. “Are you all right?”
“Yes. I’m just going to rest for a while.”
“Very smart,” she said. “I’ll stay around for a while longer in case you need something.”
“I’m fine. You can go,” I said. “Go,” I whispered. “Get the hell out of my life.”
“I’ll go soon,” she insisted. I heard her descend and then flopped onto my bed and lay there looking up at the ceiling. Of course, I had to show Daddy how devastated I was, but I also needed to be strong for him, for both of us. If I wallowed in self-pity, he would think I was too immature to handle all the added responsibility that I was looking forward to enjoying.
I waited a good hour. During that time, the phone rang once. I wasn’t surprised to see that it was Sarah Morgan, Kaylee’s best friend.
“Yes?” I said coldly, instead of hello.
“Hi, Haylee. It’s Sarah.”
“Yes?”
“I tried to talk to you three times today, and each time I started to cry and thought I would only make it more difficult for you.”
“Yes, you would have,” I said. “There’s enough crying going on in my family to fill a swimming pool.”
She made a small guttural sound, which I knew came from fighting back tears and sobs. “I’m sorry I didn’t speak with you and offer to help you any way I can.”
“There’s really not much anyone can do for me.”
“Well, if you need any help with your homework or . . .”
“I’m only in school because the doctors and nurses and my father think it’s best for me right now. I’d rather lock my door and crawl under my blanket.”
For a moment, she couldn’t speak. “If there’s anything . . .”