Olivia (Logan 5)

"I would personally expose the both of you," I said. "You might as well pack your bags and take the next tugboat out of here, Nelson Childs. You talk about becoming an elected official, building a law practice? On what? A big scandal?"

"Olivia, please, I .. ." He looked down. "I don't even want to try to defend myself. You're right, absolutely right," he confessed. "I let my hormones take control. It would destroy both our families."

"I can expect something like this from Belinda. In fact, I was anticipating it, but to discover that you were involved . . . I never would have thought it, Nelson. I'm so disappointed," I added, nearly in tears.

He nodded.

"I'm disappointed in myself, too." He turned to me, his eyes wet, his lips firm. "You really have no reason to believe me, Olivia, but I swear to you I won't disappoint you again," he said.

I turned away and stared out the window, my heart pounding. How handsome he is, I thought. How much I wished he would embrace me, want me, risk all for me as he had for Belinda.

"Well, I want to have faith in you, Nelson," I said.

"Thank you," he replied quickly. "I have a great deal of respect for you, Olivia. It's important to me that I don't lose the respect you could have for me."

I gazed at him. Why couldn't he think of more between us than mere respect?

"People earn each other's respect," I said.

"That's right."

I held his gaze for a moment and then looked ahead. "All right then," I said. "This will just be between us." "Thank you, Olivia. You won't be disappointed in me," he promised.

I nodded. I was disappointed already, but I didn't know how to-express why. I started my car engine.

"I've got to go back to school this afternoon," he said. "Have a good week."

"You too," I said without looking at him.

"Bye."

I watched him get out and walk to his car. He turned, smiled and waved and I pulled away, my heart heavy, its thump more like a chime in a grandfather's clock, declaring another second, another minute, and soon another hour of my life had passed and still, still I was all alone.

Two weeks later, Daddy came into my office at work to tell me that he had just heard Nelson Childs had become engaged to a young woman from a prominent Boston family.

6

Sour Grapes

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During those weeks between the time I had

confronted Nelson and when I finally heard about his engagement, I permitted myself to fantasize about us. I chastised myself afterward for being a fool, even more foolish than Belinda because she could fantasize and then forget it and just fantasize about someone else, whereas I treated my broken dreams as if they were family heirlooms, shattered beyond repair.

I had actually anticipated a phone call from Nelson. I imagined that he had left our talk in my car believing that I was someone exceptional, someone so special he wanted to know me more, see and talk to me more. I was substantial. Surely someone as intelligent and as ambitious as he was would realize the importance of having a wife who had my qualities.

I envisioned him waking up one morning, slapping himself on the side of the head and saying, "What was I thinking? Here was Olivia Gordon all this time, unattached, attractive and sensible, and I go having assignations in the dead of night with her childish sister, risking my whole career, my

reputation, my family's reputation, and for what?"

Any minute that phone in the office or at home would ring and it would be Nelson asking if he and I could have dinner the night he returned from college. I would pretend to consider and then agree and we would go out and have a wonderful time, discovering we really did have similar interests and ambitions. The date would grow into another and another, and in weeks, a few months at the most, he would ask me to marry him. Belinda's wedding would be followed by announcements of my own engagement and impending nuptials. In days I would soar so high and so far past her, her head would spin. Finally, finally, I would be rewarded for being the good daughter.

Daddy's words about Nelson therefore resembled a clap of thunder in my head, a storm of No's and disbelief twirled in the angry clouds that swirled around my thoughts in a tempest of agony.

"The Colonel just called to tell me Nelson's engaged to a Louise Branagan. Her grandfather was a state supreme court judge. It will be in all the social columns next week and they're planning on an engagement party a month after Belinda's wedding."

I barely acknowledged Daddy. I simply stared up at him, my blank expression masking my crushed heart.