Nelson's wedding ceremony seemed far more
elegant than mine had, perhaps because there wasn't the same expression of amazement and even disdain on the faces of many of the guests. There was a very different atmosphere, erne that suited an affair in church. What's more, everyone treated this wedding as if it were the marriage of royalty, everyone except me that is. There were oohs and ahs over every aspect, from the red velvet carpet to the arrangement of multicolored roses in the form of an arch at the altar. When Nelson took his place with Samuel alongside him as his best man, all the women, young and old alike, gazed at him with such adulation, even a casual observer would think some Hollywood celebrity had stepped up to pronounce his wedding vows. There was a deep hush and then a nearly simultaneous sigh from the lips of his young, female admirers as he gazed out at the guests and beamed that handsome smile.
An electric shudder passed through the audience after the music began and Louise Branagan, on her father's arm, started her march down the aisle. It was impossible not to admit she looked beautiful. Not a strand of hair was out of place and her wedding dress with its long train looked as if it truly had been designed for a princess. The train was held up by her older sister's twin seven-year-old girls who resembled cherubs with their round, smiling faces and peach complexions. Louise moved with grace and poise, a small, but beatific smile on her lips, her eyes fixed on Nelson, whose eyes were locked on hers. I could almost feel the excitement they had for each other. Even the small children in the audience looked like they were in awe. There was a deep hush with just one muffled cough from the audience when Louise reached the altar and her father stepped to the side.
The minister began.
That should have been Nelson and I up there, I thought. If only I had been more forceful that night when he and his parents had been invited to dinner, a dinner Daddy had designed to develop a relationship between Nelson and Belinda. If only I had been more forward and seized his attention, first charming him with words and ideas and then exciting him with my sexuality. Weeks later it would have been Nelson and I in the boathouse and not Nelson and Belinda. Instead of that wasteful, wild assignation that amounted to nothing, we would have begun an all consuming love affair that would have lit a fire so strong in both our hearts, nothing could quench it and calm our passions but the promise of a life together.
But this was not to be. Some capricious and mean spirit turned him away from me and dangled Belinda in front of him, teasing and tempting him until he succumbed. I was not even an afterthought. Then, to put the icing on the bitter cake I had to swallow, I had to be the one to condemn him, the one to behave in the garb of some moral judge, the voice of conscience and decency, embarrassing and frightening him. He would always think of me as some ogre, I feared, some authority and power instead of someone soft and loving. Never before in my life did I hate who I was as much as I did that afternoon in the chapel watching Nelson Childs pronounce his vows of love and devotion to another woman. When she recited her words, I mouthed them to myself and when he spoke, I closed my eyes and dreamed.
The organ began again and everyone stood as Nelson and the now Mrs. Nelson Childs walked up the aisle, accepting congratulations, smiling at cameras, blinking at flashbulbs, waving and clinging to each other as they passed their loyal subjects, their doting guests.
"Wasn't that a magnificent wedding ceremony, Olivia?" Samuel asked with exhilaration when he returned to my side.
"Yes," I said quickly.
"She looked so beautiful, didn't she? What a fine looking couple they make, the darlings of Provincetown, eh?"
"I wouldn't go that far, Samuel," I muttered. "Don't get carried away with it."
He laughed and turned to Daddy.
"What do you think, Winston?"
"Fine wedding, beautiful, yes," Daddy muttered. I wondered if he regretted that that wasn't Belinda up there or even me. He looked distracted and was quickly pulled away by some of his business associates.
Nelson and Louise, along with their families, went off to pose for the photographer while the guests attended the reception. Because Samuel was the best man, we sat at the dais facing the dance floor. A full orchestra had been hired to play the big band sounds. There was a female vocalist as well. As the guests entered, the music began.
The Baers and Stevenses were at the dais as well because Ron Baer and Carl Stevens were junior partners in Nelson's father's law offices, a practice that was becoming one of the most successful in Provincetown, if not the whole North Cape area.
"I love what you did with your home," Janet Baer told us. She looked at Samuel as if he had done it all.
"What you see is mostly Olivia's creation," he replied quickly.
"Oh? You seem to be expert at everything, Olivia," she said with a saccharine smile, the sort of smile that could upset anyone's stomach, like too much candy.
"What is your sister doing with herself these days?" Tami Stevens asked. I saw the quick look she threw at Janet as soon as she asked. It was meant to be a jab in my side. I saw how she gloated after asking.
"She's waiting," I said dryly.
The two women gazed at me with cloudy, confused eyes.
"Waiting? Waiting for what?" Janet asked.
"To decide," I replied. Neither cracked a smile. Samuel laughed.
"Would you like to dance, Olivia?" he asked rising. "Yes, I would," I said and stood up.
"Well," he said to the other husbands, "we're all here for a good time. Get off your legal briefs."
Never had I appreciated Samuel's humor more. I let him sweep me onto the dance floor, hiding my laughter by burying my face in his shoulder.
"Those two are so stuck on themselves, they're probably glued to the seats," Samuel quipped.
I laughed again. Afterward, I drank champagne, danced again, and then, when the orchestra stopped and the singer went to the microphone to announce the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Nelson Childs, I, along with everyone else, stood and faced the doorway. Nelson and Louise made their grand entrance to thunderous applause and hurried to their places at the center of the dais.
"Cupid must have designed that marriage," Janet Baer shouted over the din. "They look perfect together."