"You don't have to thank me," he muttered.
The next day I tried to be angry, but he behaved as if we were getting along just fine. He was full of laughter and jokes and jolly with everyone. When I returned home that night, I was shocked to discover that the lock on the adjoining door had been removed.
I started to complain and he put up his hand. "Nelson Childs told me it's grounds for divorce," he said.
"What? You told Nelson? You had no right to tell anyone our private affairs. How dare you?"
"What difference does it make now, Olivia? That's over. We're really like husband and wife again. No more walls and locks between us. Right? Right," he said answering his own question.
He came to me twice more that month and quite often after that until I realized I was pregnant again. It seemed to be what he wanted the most.
"We're going to have another boy," he declared when he heard. "I just know it."
I used my pregnancy as an excuse to keep him out of my room and this time, he didn't protest when I had the lock returned. He didn't want to do anything to endanger the child.
A month later, Louise Childs gave birth to a boy they named Kenneth and Nelson and Samuel celebrated into the wee hours of the morning. I heard him come home and collapse in his bed. Slowly I rose and went to the adjoining door. Opening it, I looked in at him sprawled out, still in his clothes. He reeked of whiskey and cigars. I heard him groan.
"Where have you been?"
"What? Oh," he said smiling, "my wife has come to me? Tha's somethin' she said she'd never, never do. See, it worked. She does want me."
"Stop it. You're disgusting. I don't suppose Nelson got this drunk."
"Nelson?" He laughed. "They carried him home. Tha's how drunk your precious perfect Nelson Childs got."
"He's not my precious perfect Nelson Childs," I said stepping back. Samuel laughed.
"Come here," he said reaching up for me.
"Stop it!"
I turned, frightened. He struggled to stand and fell back on his bed.
"You get over here, Olivia Gordon Logan. Your husband wants you."
"My husband is a drunken fool," I snapped back at him.
"Huh?"
"Go to sleep and don't complain to me how you feel in the morning," I said, quickly retreating and locking the door behind me. I heard him laugh and then fall to the floor. A little while after that, he was pounding at the adjoining door.
"Samuel, you'll wake everyone. Stop," I cried. He continued to pound on the door. I had to get up and unlock it. He stumbled, swayed and stepped into my room.
"I demand my conjugal rights," he said raising his right forefinger. He walked to my bed and fell across it on his face. I lifted his feet up, took off his shoes and threw his legs over the bed. Then I put on my robe and went down to our guest room, leaving him groaning there in his drunken stupor.
He was quite ashamed of himself and apologetic the next morning. I let him wallow in his remorse and gave him the silent treatment. Of all that he had done and said, his remark about "my precious perfect Nelson" frightened me the most. I had never done anything or said anything to give Samuel the impression I had strong feelings toward Nelson. From what well of knowledge did he draw that pail of truth, I wondered.
It wouldn't be long before I tracked it to Belinda, who in her innocent little way enjoyed planting the seeds of trouble in my world to see what crop of pain she could grow for me. Apparently, despite my anger, the harvest had only just begun.
14
A Life and a Death
.
My second pregnancy was much more difficult
than my first, perhaps because I had really not intended for it to happen this soon and part of me resented having been forced to carry another child. It made me feel helpless, unable to control my own destiny. Whatever Samuel wanted he would get despite my opinion. This was beyond opinion. He had literally forced himself on me at times. It wasn't possible for a wife to say no to her husband when it came to sexual relations. He couldn't be accused of rape.