The Carrie Diaries (The Carrie Diaries 1)

Know it is true.

Wonder what to do. Freak out and call Lali and Sebastian and scream? Or dump a bucket of pigs’ blood on them à la movie Carrie (but where would I obtain said blood, and besides, too gross). Or feign a serious illness, attempt suicide (then they’ll be sorry, but why give them the satisfaction?), or pretend nothing happened at all. Act like Sebastian and I are still together and the Lali incident was merely a weird aberration in a long and happy romance.

Five minutes pass. Think odd thoughts. Such as: In life, there are only four kinds of girls:

The girl who played with fire.

The girl who opened Pandora’s Box.

The girl who gave Adam the apple.

And the girl whose best friend stole her boyfriend.

No. He cannot like her better than me. He cannot. But of course, he can.

Why? Pound fists on bed, attempt to rend garment (a flannel pajama top that I do not remember putting on), and scream into pillow. Fall back onto bed in shock. Stare at ceiling as terrible realization dawns:

What if no one ever wants to have sex with me? What if I’m a virgin for life?

Scramble out of bed, run downstairs, grab phone. “You don’t look so good,” Dorrit says.

Snarl, “I’ll deal with you later,” then scurry, squirrel-like, with phone into room. Carefully shut the door. With trembling hand, dial Lali’s number.

“Is Lali there?”

“Carrie?” she ask

s. She sounds slightly fearful, but not as afraid as I’d hoped. This is a bad sign.

“Please tell me what happened last night didn’t happen.”

“Um. Well. It did.”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“How could you do this?” Agonized cry.

Silence. Then: “I didn’t want to tell you—” Pause, as I’m drowning in emotional quicksand. Death appears imminent. “But I’m seeing Sebastian now.” So simple. So matter-of-fact. So unarguable.

This cannot be happening.

“I’ve been seeing him for a while,” she adds.

I knew it. I knew something was going on between the two of them, but I didn’t believe it. I still don’t believe it. “For how long?” I demand.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes,” I hiss.

“We’ve been together since before he went away.”

“What?”

“He needs me.”

“He told me he needed me too!”