Guilt wracked my stomach, twisting it into knots. Guilt wasn’t enough—but it was a start.
Redmond studied my face. I gazed back at him, determined to see this through, even if it would hurt like hell.
“Let me talk to her,” I said, staring into his eyes.
He held me there, pinned and flayed, before sighing. He turned back to Kaspar’s men and pointed at me.
“Tell him Erin Servant wants to talk to his wife. That’s my message.” He turned and got back onto the elevator. “Palm,” he barked.
She flipped off the guards before joining him. The man she’d kneed was getting unsteadily to his feet and almost toppled over again.
I joined them. The guards stared, their guns still brandished, but for some reason I didn’t feel afraid. If anything, they were the ones terrified.
Palmira was more interesting than I’d guessed.
The elevator doors slid shut, and silence fell.
“That wasn’t great,” Redmond said as we descended.
“How did he know?” Palmira paced back and forth. “I’ve been careful.”
“Don’t take it personally, Palm. Kaspar’s clever and richer than the Pope.”
“They still shouldn’t have gotten the drop on us.” She ceased moving and slumped back against the wall, glowering at the floor numbers as they slowly filtered past.
Redmond turned to me and touched my arm. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure at all, but if I showed any hesitation, he’d stop this from happening. Redmond was a lot of things, but the last thing he wanted was to see me hurt or uncomfortable.
I appreciated that, but sometimes people needed to do the right thing, even if it was painful.
“I have to talk to her.”
“Okay then. I’ll get in touch with Kaspar and set it up.”
“But I’m doing it alone.”
His face twisted. “Erin—”
“I’ll bring guards. Hell, Palmira can tag along. She seems useful.”
“I’m useful as fuck,” Palmira said, grinning.
“I want to be there.” Redmond came closer. “If something happens—”
“Penny won’t hurt me. Kaspar might, but she won’t.”
“She doesn’t have control over him.”
“No, probably not, but I’ll take that gamble.”
He stared into my eyes for several long beats before the elevator reached the lobby. The doors dinged open and several people in dress clothes stood there, waiting for us to get off. Redmond didn’t pay them any attention. He took my hand and squeezed it like he was searching for something in the skin of my fingers, then released me.
“All right. It’s your decision.” And he walked off with Palmira in his wake.
I hurried after them, not sure if I was making the biggest mistake of my life—or the second biggest.
Chapter 19
Erin
A cold fog rolled off the river. I stood gripping the metal guardrail and stared down at the muddy water as it flowed lazily along the concrete banks. Behind me, cars rolled down the street and pedestrians walked the long river trail. I stood in the spotlight of a street lamp and wished I was anywhere else in the world.
Redmond tried to talk me out of this. He said it was too dangerous, that I didn’t need to put myself at risk, and that there was no reason to put myself through this torture. That last one almost got me to beg him to let me stay home, but I kept my chin raised and refused to give in.
I was stubborn and stupid. I should’ve let him handle this.
I wasn’t ready. Ever since I sold Penny to Kaspar, I’d gone over my reasoning again and again, trying to find a flaw in my thinking, and no matter how many times I reaffirmed my own beliefs, I was still left with a disgusting taste in my mouth. It didn’t matter if I had good reasons. It didn’t matter at all.
I did something wrong, something terrible, and it didn’t matter that it’d worked out in the end.
Penny should hate me. She should’ve turned our request down and sent a message of her own: a middle finger with the words Fuck Off, Bitch emblazoned in the palm. Instead, she’d agreed to talk, and ever since then I felt like I might vomit at any moment.
I looked over my shoulder. Palmira was in the Range Rover parked nearby. Redmond sat next to her, silent and ominous. More of his soldiers were spread out along the sidewalk.
I turned away. The river kept flowing. I could be like that river—impervious to the world, unchanging, ceaseless. I could bully my way through life with my head down, uncaring, unseeing.
But ever since I was pulled into Redmond’s world, I wanted more.
Cars parked nearby. Four big, black SUVs. I knew who was in them and I jostled from side to side, nervously bouncing on my toes. I tugged at the hem of my jacket and nervously fixed my hair.
I couldn’t remember the last time I cared this much.
The front door of the second car opened and Penny stepped out. She said something to someone inside—probably Kaspar—then shut the door and came toward me. She smiled tentatively, and I almost didn’t recognize my sister.