Five First Dates (Sassy in the City 2)

“Because you’ve been obligated to help me out.”

I was starting to shift from puzzled to pissed. “Why is this coming up now? That was never a big deal between us. You never once asked me if I felt stuck at home. I told you my goal was to go home, to be near my family. I told you I’m not a guy who fucks every girl who gives him a smile. That’s your brother, not me. And you knew that.”

She bit her lip. “I can’t make a mistake, Maddox. Not another one. Look where I’m at because I’m romantic and gullible and believe everything men tell me. Being served parental rights termination papers.”

I was pretty sure I’d never understood the phrase “saw red” until Savannah spoke those words. “I’m not men. I’m not your asshole ex. I’m me. Maddox. The man who has loved you since he was still a kid.”

“Exactly,” she said, and her voice was pleading. “I’m just a fantasy to you.”

She had just hit my second hot button. I stood up, unable to sit. I put my hands behind my head to try to cool down. I took a deep breath and said very calmly, “Do not tell me how I feel or what you are to me. I know my own emotions. This, what we’ve been doing for weeks and weeks is not a fantasy. It’s real and you know it.”

Now she was full-on crying. “I just can’t trust that this is right. I can’t risk this. If it goes wrong, it’s on me that I did this to Sully twice, and this time it will be worse, because he knows you and cares about you.” She swiped at her face. “I need to take more time, date with more distance.”

For a second, I felt a flicker of hope. “Okay. You want me to move out, not spend so much time with Sully. I get that. We can do that. It’s not what I want, but I can respect that. Maybe we did this all backward.”

But she shook her head. “No, that’s not what I mean. I meant in the future, when I’m dating…”

Someone else. Those were the unspoken words.

Fuck. Fuck and fuck.

“I fall in love too easily,” she finished.

Damn.

I wasn’t anything special. That’s what she was saying.

I thought for a second, and decided I had nothing to lose. I’d already given her my heart and she was handing it back. “I know I don’t fit in with your ideal, what you pictured for your life. I don’t have a job on Wall Street and a yacht and I am only twenty-four and covered in tattoos. This is me. This ink isn’t erasable. And maybe that’s embarrassing for a woman like you to have to explain on the playground to the other moms, I don’t know. And I’m not going to toss rose petals across the bedroom floor or take you on a carriage ride like the dudes in your movies. I tried to be Ryan Reynolds and I don’t think it’s a good fit for me.”

“What are you talking about? And I’m not embarrassed of you. Why would you even think that?”

“I tried to listen to Jana. She had me watching rom-coms and trying to figure out how I could take you ice-skating and all these other crazy schemes so you fall in love with me.”

“That’s why you wanted to go ice-skating?” she asked, looking stunned. “I just thought you wanted fresh air.”

I might have laughed at that except my heart felt like it was caught in a garbage compactor. We were getting off track.

“You said it yourself. I’m not romantic. I did come here with an agenda of being with you, I can admit that. Sure, it was for the show. But it was also for you. And maybe I suck at being the wine and dine guy. Maybe I won’t take you to some fancy-ass restaurant or throw you a circus engagement party. But do you know what I will do? I will be there for you every single fucking day, and I will respect you, and take care of you and love you with all my heart. I will help you raise your son and I’ll give you another one if that’s what you want. I stick, Savannah.”

There it was. My whole fucking heart on a platter handed over to her.

I stood there, waiting, feeling like my future, my everything, rested on her next words.

She was crying, her knees drawn up to her chest. “I… I don’t know what to do.”

There it was. Like a punch in the gut.

She wasn’t ready to commit to me.

Or maybe she just didn’t want me.

Maybe I’d been companionship. An orgasm. A friend, nothing more.

My jaw worked. I bent over and grabbed my backpack. “I’ll sleep at Jana’s tonight. I’ll come by tomorrow to get the rest of my stuff.”

“Mad, wait…” She tried to stand up, but her feet were tangled in her blanket.

But I couldn’t stick around. “It’s fine, Savannah. I’ll be fine. I hope you find what you’re looking for some day, I really do. And I hope you’ll let me say goodbye to Sully tomorrow. I really do love him.”