Sex and Vanity

“You’re not joking?”

“No, Cecil.”

The waitress returned with a bowl of sticky toffee pudding with warm custard oozing over it, a plate of freshly baked scones, two small ramekins of clotted cream, and one small ramekin with house-made jam. She also put down two unmatched teacups, a teapot in the shape of a double-decker bus, and another teapot with a photo of Prince William and Kate Middleton printed on the side.

“Excuse me, would you happen to have a teacup with a slightly thinner rim? Maybe that floral one up there on the end?” Lucie asked.

“Um, sure.”

The waitress retrieved another teacup from the shelf and swapped it out with Cecil’s teacup.

“Thank you for requesting this teacup, Lucie. You’re so thoughtful, which makes me all the more confused. Why are you breaking off our engagement?”

“I’m sorry, Cecil. I…I just realized that we’re really not suited to each other, and I think we won’t be happy together in the long run.”

“Not suited? Are you crazy? We’re so perfectly suited. Everyone says so. Even Town & Country—they want to do a cover story on our wedding!”

“If you really knew me, you’d know that’s the last thing I’d ever want.”

“Okay, we don’t have to do Town & Country if you don’t want to, but we at least have to do the Vows section of the Times.”

“See? You’re not even listening to me.”

“But I adore you! You’re the most precious thing in the whole world to me.”

“That’s what I mean, Cecil. You see me as a thing, a possession. Like your yacht, or one of your Rothkos.”

“That’s not true. You are more than a thing to me. So much more. You’re the light of my life. You’re the only person who truly understands me, Lucie.”

“But you don’t understand me.”

“How can you say that? After all we’ve been through these last five years? I understand and appreciate you like no one else does.”

“If you truly did, Cecil, you wouldn’t always be trying to change me—how I live, how I wear my hair, how I dress.”

“I thought you loved fashion.”

“I do love fashion. But my style is completely different from your mom’s. I don’t have any interest in wearing couture, and I really don’t care for the sort of statement jewelry your mom loves.”

“Listen, you don’t ever have to wear anything you don’t want to. I’ll get you the smallest diamond in the world if that makes you happy. Is three carats small enough for you? And I won’t care if you never make the International Best Dressed List. I just didn’t want you to feel left out, since Mother and I are both in the Best Dressed Hall of Fame.”

“Here’s the other thing, Cecil. You are so close to your mother, and I have no issue with that. I think it’s one of the most redeeming qualities about you, actually. But have you ever considered how close I am to my family? And that when you hurt them, you’re also hurting me?”

“How have I ever hurt your family? They’ve hurt you, those nasty snobs.”

“I’m not talking about the Churchills and the Barclays. I’m talking about my immediate family. Mom and Freddie.”

“How have I hurt them?”

“Cecil, you wouldn’t even make a phone call to your friend today, when my mother practically got on her hands and knees and begged you to. That really hurt her.”

“Lucie, I didn’t want your mother to be disappointed. I knew Cornelia would never say yes. I was sparing her the humiliation.”

“But she did, Cecil. She said yes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Freddie contacted her. Freddie got her to say yes.”