Sex and Vanity

“I don’t believe it! How the hell did he manage that?”

“All he did was ask nicely. Don’t believe me, but she’s coming to the gala.”

“That brother of yours! I wonder what lies he must have told her…”

“He didn’t lie, Cecil. Freddie never lies. I was right there when it happened. He simply sent her a text and she said yes. Here’s the other thing, Cecil—you’ve never really liked Freddie, and you’ve never cared much for my mom either. Don’t try to argue with me, I know how you feel. I know you’ve tried your best to get along with them over the years, but I can see that it doesn’t make you happy. And I really do want you to be happy, Cecil. My family is always going to be an essential part of my life. We’ve always been so close, and that will never change. I don’t want to spend New Year’s in Saint Barth’s or summers on your yacht in Saint-Tropez. I want to be with my family in East Hampton during the summer and in the city during the holidays. I want to go to All Souls Church on Christmas Eve and celebrate Chinese New Year at Congee Village like we always do. You can’t stand Chinese food, Cecil. Don’t pretend you do.”

“I like that appetizer…crab rangoon.”

“That’s not real Chinese food, Cecil. My point is we actually have so little in common when you really break it down. And I know you think it’s wrong of me to say this now, but I know you’ll be miserable being married to me in the long run. You deserve someone who actually has an Instagram accou

nt with more than eight posts. You deserve someone who loves sitting in the front row at the haute couture shows in Paris, who loves wearing huge emeralds while sunbathing on your super yacht. Someone who likes tying you up in the gondola in your town house and reenacting the wrestling scene from Death in Venice. I know there’s someone out there who’s perfect for you, who will love you for exactly who you are, Cecil.”

“But I thought…I thought that person…was you.”

“For a while, I thought I was that person too, but I’ve come to realize that I’m not.”

The waitress approached the table with a pot of boiling-hot water.

“Would you like me to freshen up your teas? Are you all right, sir? Do you need some tissues?”

“No. I mean, yes, thanks.”

“I’m sorry, Cecil. Truly.”

“Can we stay friends?”

“Of course we can. I want to stay friends. I really do care for you. That’s why I’m doing this today, as difficult as it is for me to see you so hurt right now. But I just know you’ll be thanking me down the line. I know you’ll find your perfect soul mate, your twin flame, a lot sooner than you might think.”

“You seem so different suddenly, like a new woman.”

“A new woman?”

“I can’t quite explain it. It’s like your whole energy has changed, your voice has been transformed. There’s a new clarity, a fiery quality to it. Like someone who’s been transfigured.”

“What do you mean? I hope you don’t think I’m in love with someone else.”

“I didn’t mean that at all.”

“Or maybe you think I’m cheating on you or something…”

“That never crossed my mind.”

“But you said I seem transfigured, like you’re implying that I’ve been swept up by some new passion.”

“Lucie, relax, I wasn’t implying anything.”

XVI

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir

CENTRAL PARK

Lucie thought a morning run around the reservoir would help clear her head, but it didn’t. She managed to sleep about four hours the night before, which was a victory compared with the previous days, but her head still felt like it was in a fog and she could not shake off this sensation deep within her bones that she couldn’t quite put into words. What was it? Anxiety? Dread? Guilt? Regret? None of those feelings quite described how she truly felt.

After twice running around the track that encircled the reservoir and showcased spectacular views of the Manhattan skyline, Lucie cooled off by jogging along the path behind the Metropolitan Museum of Art. As she passed a group of Tibetan monks in gold-and-maroon robes gathering by the grove of cherry blossom trees, she noticed someone waving at her. Squinting a bit to get her vision in focus, she realized it was Auden, dressed in light gray robes that set off his piercing blue eyes.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to stop you,” Auden said.