Sex and Vanity

“Mrs. Zao, I’d like to help, but you know I’m going to Mongolia next week. I might not be back till Christmas.”

“Not back till Christmas! Is Cecil going with you?” Rosemary asked in surprise.

“Excuse me, but I need to take care of something for my mother before the dinner starts,” Lucie said awkwardly, as she got up from her armchair and rushed off.

She couldn’t find Cornelia anywhere as she wandered through the various rooms, inner courtyards, and the stables, her panic growing with every minute. She knew she needed to get to her before the dinner began. Finally, she found Cornelia in the indoor ring, crouched down on the floor playing with her dogs.

“Hi, Cornelia!” Lucie chirped.

“Oh, hi,” Cornelia answered as she gave Olive, her Westie, a big kiss. “I’m sorry you’ve been banished here, but you’ve all been naughty dogs tonight!”

“I, um, just wanted to…to explain…,” Lucie stammered.

Cornelia looked up with a diplomatic smile. “Lucie, it was none of my business. There’s nothing you need to tell me.”

“Oh. Okay. But I just wanted to say, in case you might have heard some things out of context, it really isn’t what it looks like.”

“It’s fine, Lucie. Shall we go in to dinner?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I’m told the dining tent is down by the ocean.”

“Yes, I’ll show you the way. But I just wanted you to know that I was actually trying to help my mother in there. I’m just trying to protect her from this woman who’s…”

Cornelia put down her terrier, stood up, and looked Lucie straight in the face. “Lucie, I’m really trying to stay out of your business, but it seems like you won’t let it go. Who are we kidding here? You were in the middle of a takedown, a total smear campaign. Now, I don’t live in your building, I don’t know any of these people, and this really doesn’t concern me, but please have some self-respect and stop trying to bullshit me. Because the only person you’re deceiving is yourself. And from the looks of it the only thing you’ll succeed in doing is pissing off your mother.”

Cornelia turned and walked out of the room, leaving Lucie red-faced and speechless.

*1 Lucie’s completely mistaken. Lan Kwai Fong is an upscale entertainment district popular with expats and tourists and is unconnected in any way with Wan Chai, the decidedly wilder neighborhood that’s home to bars, brothels, and nightclubs that are equally as popular with expats and tourists.

*2 The jazz band at Shanghai’s Peace Hotel is one of the city’s most beloved institutions. Often described as “the oldest jazz band on the planet,” its dapper musicians range from their late sixties to their ninety-nine-year-old former trumpeter Zhou Wanrong. Xiao Xueqiang, saxophonist and manager of the band, reports, “He still comes around to perform with us once in a while, but now he shakes the maracas instead.”

XVIII

Montauk Highway

THE HAMPTONS

“I hate to admit it, but the one good thing you got out of Cecil was this car,” Marian said to Lucie from the driver’s seat of the Aston Martin as she sped along Montauk Highway. They had spent the day in Manhattan, meeting up with the Ortiz sisters at the Colony Club for lunch and running last-minute errands before Lucie’s big trip.

“I’m glad someone’s driving it. I just never thought it would be you,” Lucie remarked distractedly. The full enormity of all her decisions over the past few weeks was finally crashing down on her. Why did I tell George I never wanted to see him again? Why did I break his heart?

“Yeah, I never imagined myself in a car like this either, but it really drives like a dream. And if we were anywhere but the Hamptons, I’d be too embarrassed. But you know, life is short. Why the hell shouldn’t I drive a sports car if I want to? Am I not entitled to my own midlife crisis?”

“You deserve a nice car, Mom,” Lucie said. Why did I fake that co-op letter? Why did I lie to Ms. Ferrer? Why did I lie to Rosemary?

“Are you sure Cecil doesn’t want it back? I’m really getting quite attached to Chad.”

“You’ve named the car Chad?”

“Don’t you think he looks like a Chad? I had a mad crush on this guy back in high school named Chad. He was on the basketball team.”

Ew. Why is Mom telling me about her high school crushes? Why can’t I get George out of my mind? “I dunno…I’ve always found it weird when people anthropomorphize machines.”

“Weird or not, I hope Cecil’s not taking Chad back.”

“For the eleventh time, Mom, I told you he won’t take Chad…it…back. He said to consider it a breakup gift.”