It was for the best. It never would have worked.
And then the tone began to change.
Ethan’s the best man I’ve ever known. He’s the one I wanted to depend on, who I knew I could depend on if we’d just give it a chance. But our fears got in the way.
I’m learning to face my fears and I hope he can face his.
He knew. It suddenly all seemed so simple that Ethan couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before. Perhaps he had seen it. He’d just been unable to trust enough to do anything about it. Ethan read to the last entry, written the day before yesterday.
I hope that Ethan can understand. I believe he will.
He shut the book with a snap and looked up to where Sam was sitting on the grass, deep in a rather one-sided conversation with Arthur. He understood. Finally, he understood exactly what he had to do.
‘Sam. We’ve got to go.’
‘Where?’ Sam looked up at him. If his son could trust him to make things right, if Kate could trust him to understand, then what right had Ethan not to trust himself?
‘We’re going to see Kate. You remember Kate?’
‘I remember Kate.’ Sam shot him a look of reproach. Ethan hadn’t spoken about Kate for the last few months and he supposed he deserved that. ‘Are we going now?’
‘Yes. We’re going now.’
* * *
Work was the only thing that quietened Kate’s mind right now. Hard, physical work. She’d thought a lot about sending her diary to Ethan and in the end the decision had been all about putting an end to missing him and moving on.
But moving on wasn’t just something you did whenever you decided to. Telling herself that she’d said all that she wanted to say and that was an end to it didn’t stop the endless reworking in her mind. The endless other possibilities that she knew weren’t going to happen.
The truth now was that she got on with her life. Maybe he’d send some kind of acknowledgement and maybe not, but knowing Ethan he’d think before he acted. Which meant that, if his reply was coming, it woul
dn’t be today. Or tomorrow, either.
Large, heavy rocks were just the thing. Maybe she should split a few in half, and add a ball and chain just to complete the effect. She wandered into the kitchen, surveying the pile of built-up earth at the end of the garden, which already boasted the four rocks at the corners which were the basis of her design.
Sweat trickled from the nape of her neck down to the top of her sleeveless vest. She took a bottle of lemonade from the fridge, pouring herself a glass. With any luck, this should take the whole weekend.
The doorbell rang and she dropped the glass in the sink. It smashed, sending shards flying across the draining board, and Kate cursed quietly to herself. When the work stopped, she was jumpier than she thought.
Drying her hands with a tea towel, she opened the door. For a moment, she thought she might be hallucinating.
Ethan was standing at the end of the path looking cool and incredibly handsome. Kate’s hand automatically flew to her hair as she watched Sam run up the path towards her, arms outstretched in an impression of an aeroplane.
Shakily she bent down, unable to tear her gaze from Ethan’s face. He wasn’t smiling, but then again he wasn’t not smiling. Maybe he felt as awkward as she did, but he certainly looked a lot better.
‘What’s this, Sam? Are you a plane?’ She couldn’t think of anything else to say.
‘I’m a wing man.’
‘Oh.’ She was vaguely aware that Ethan was wincing in uneasy embarrassment. ‘Do you know what a wing man is?’
‘No.’ Sam ran in a small circle, his arms outstretched. ‘Someone with wings, I think.’
‘That sounds about right.’ She couldn’t stop trembling. Ethan had come, and she didn’t know what this meant. But if Sam was with him then surely it couldn’t be anything other than a social visit? Maybe an attempt at friendship? Kate didn’t quite know how she would respond to that yet.
‘Go tell your dad to come here.’ She smiled down at Sam, who obligingly veered back down the path, chanting the words at Ethan as he went. He nodded, walking up the path and stopping outside the porch, his fingers on Sam’s shoulders.
‘I got the book, Kate. And... I was going to come alone, maybe this evening, and then I thought that...’ He shrugged. ‘Sam and I come as a package. It’s a “two for the price of one” deal.’