“Please, Luna?”
“You never used to say, please before.”
“I’m not the same person I was back then.”
“That’s a shame, because I truly liked that person,” I tell him honestly.
“He was an idiot.”
“Gavin—”
“I should have thrown you over my shoulder and carried you out of Stone Lake.”
I smile, not telling him that there was a part of me that wishes he had done that very thing.
“I can’t do dinner. I promised Ben I’d go with him to the annual Stone Lake Civic Event.” It’s a yearly fundraising event they do, and I usually look forward to it, but this year I don’t want to leave Joshua alone.
Gavin goes quiet for a minute and it’s probably my imagination, but I can almost feel his tension. Which is crazy—how can you do that through the phone? Still, I think I can feel it at the mention of Ben.
Or maybe I’m just hoping to see some jealousy from him.
I really have to get my head together…
“What about lunch?”
“Gavin—”
“Just give me a chance to explain, Luna. I want to be a part of Joshua’s life and to do that, I need you to understand what happened.”
Guilt immediately hits me. He’s trying to have a relationship with his son, not me. I’m letting my emotions get too involved. I close my eyes and try to swallow down the fear and frustration that I’m feeling.
“Okay, Gavin. Where do you want to meet?”
“You tell me, you know the town more than I do these days. I’ve been living out of the diner, which was okay for the first couple of days, but it’s starting to get a little tiresome. I’d like some place quiet, maybe even a little private. What I have to tell you… it’s not easy for me to talk about, Luna.”
“Come by the house around noon.”
“But—”
“I’ll be taking off early tomorrow anyway to get ready for the dance. I’ll fix us a small lunch and we can talk here. It’ll be the easiest. Josh will be in school.”
“I can pick up something—”
“I’ll make us something. It’s fine.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.” The way he says it almost sounds as if he is offering me an out, and I resist the urge to tell him I’m not sure about a damn thing when it comes to him. “Thanks, Luna.”
“Goodnight, Gavin.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, and I drop my head down as I hang up the phone, wondering what in the hell I’m doing.
Gavin
“I hope I’m not too early?” I mumble lamely, feeling way too out of my element here.
“No, I just finished the soup. I hope that’s okay. You still like potato soup and grilled cheese, right?”
“Definitely. Haven’t had it in ages though.”
“Well, I’m not sure mine measures up to what we used to get years ago, but it’s not bad.”
“You didn’t have to go to so much trouble,” I tell her, wondering how I’m going to be able to talk at all, as nervous as I am.
“It wasn’t any trouble, I had it in the crock pot this morning, so it’d be ready.”
I hold up the cheap bottle of wine I bought in town. The local liquor store didn’t have a lot to choose from.
“I… uh… started to get flowers, but wasn’t sure that was the correct call,” I tell her, feeling ridiculous.
Luna looks at the bottle and then back at me. She gives a smile that doesn’t quite reach her hazel colored eyes, but her face softens.
“The alcohol is probably a wise choice. I have a feeling I may need to drink it later.”
“Yeah,” I respond, rubbing the scruff on my jaw. “This isn’t exactly easy.”
“You can say that again. Why don’t we move into the kitchen? You can sit at the table while I finish getting our food together.”
“I’ll help,” I volunteer while following her through the house.
“Nah, there’s not much left to do.”
“I like what you’ve done with the place, Luna.”
“I always loved this house, but when I bought it off my mother, I wanted to completely change it. I wanted it to be somewhere my son could feel… comfortable.”
“It’s definitely more inviting,” I tell her. She laughs and I can see her shoulders relaxing a bit.
“Yeah, I guess it would be compared to the one time you were here.”
“Pretty much. We had a lot against us…”
“We did. We were probably doomed from the start,” she agrees.
“Probably. I tried to stay away from you back then, I knew you were going to be trouble.”
“You did?”
“I fought myself every day, Luna.”
I don’t add that I’m fighting myself from reaching out and taking her in my arms right now. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is knowing if I did, she’d most likely kick me out of her house and ban me from my son’s life. I have to tread lightly. I signed away my rights and haven’t done shit to support him in thirteen years. There’s not a court in the land that will look favorably on that—regardless of the circumstances. I love Luna, I’d give anything to have her back in my life again, even if I don’t deserve it. But, my first priority has to be with my son. I want in his life. I’ve lost so much. I need some spot in his life, even if it’s a distant one.