“Gavin—”
“I had nothing to offer you, I was never worthy of you. I was trying to keep you safe, even if it was from me and look how I fucked that up.”
She studies my face, and I watch as she swallows. The delicate movement of her throat entrances me almost to the point I miss her pink tip of her tongue come out to lick her lips. It’s totally inappropriate, and I thank God my pants hide it, but just the sight of her tongue makes me hard. It’s almost like I’m a damn teenager all over again.
“You were always so hard on yourself,” she murmurs, turning away from me to look at her soup. “Maybe it would be better if we changed the topic. Looking back isn’t going to get us anywhere,” she suggests.
“You’re probably right.”
“Grab a seat, and I’ll get us some bowls,” she instructs and within just a few minutes we’re sitting down, eating together. Well, staring at the food. I’m not sure I can eat. I look over to see her staring at me, spoon in her hand. “It’s not poison, I swear.”
“It’d serve me right if it were,” I muse, taking a bite.
“How about you stop beating yourself up and tell me this story you have. Then, I’ll decide if I believe you.”
“You think I’m lying?”
“It’s kind of hard to convince me you didn’t sign a paper when I know your signature, Gavin.”
“Oh, I signed the papers,” I tell her, and her spoon drops to the table making a loud noise as it hits the glass top.
“You what?” she says, her voice dripping in barely controlled anger. The Luna I remember never had such a quick trigger, but then I don’t guess we ever discussed something this important, before.
“I signed them, Luna.”
“What in the hell is all this about, Gavin? I don’t have time for these games and neither does my—”
“Dern put them in front of me. Shit, there were literally thirty forms to sign for the internship at the bureau. He said just sign everything quickly. There was supposedly a deadline to get them back in and they were already late….” I trail off the explanation, shrugging. “So, I just signed.”
“You signed over thirty papers and didn’t even look to see what they were. How is that possible? Besides, you had to at least glance as you went through them.”
“No, not really,” I tell her, and God, I dread this next part. I rub the back of my neck, wondering how she will react when I tell her what really happened. It’s probably just giving her fuel to hate me more.
“Gavin, the papers were clearly titled what they were. There’s no way you couldn’t have—”
“Honest to God, Luna, I didn’t know. They were stapled all together, the uh… lady who put them down for me to sign, pushed each page up a little to reveal where I signed next. I was… distracted and just signed where the ‘X’ was. It was stupid, but I figured Dern okayed it all, It was for the bureau, it wouldn’t matter.”
“Distracted how?”
“Uh…”
“Gavin?” She presses and I know I have to be honest. She’s like a dog with a bone and isn’t going to let go.
“She had big boobs and a low-cut shirt, Luna. I was a boy who hadn’t been laid in a while. I had wounds festering inside of me because the woman I loved wouldn’t leave with me… I was stupid.”
“And thinking with your dick,” she sneers, pushing away from the table.
“Luna, fuck. I don’t know how to make you understand.”
“I understand, Gavin. I do. It’s just hard for me to stomach that you signed our son away all because you were looking at some woman’s tits.”
“How in the hell do you think I feel about it? I swear to God, Luna, if I’d known what was going on back here, I would have been on the next flight out. I would have never left you to go through any of it alone. I would have never turned my back on my child. You have to believe me.”
“You mentioned Dern.”
“Yeah, he knew all along. He kept things from me,” I tell her the bitterness slipping through my voice, there’s no way to keep it out. “He’s the reason all your letters came back, Luna. It’s all his fault.”
“Why would he keep the fact you had a son from you?”
“Because he was paid to.”
“Paid?”
“Your father and Atticus came by with a proposition for him. If he got me to sign the papers, then they’d give him fifty thousand to pay off a gambling debt he owed.”
“My father… Atticus?”
“Yeah.”
“Dern admitted all this to you?”
“Right before I told him to get out of town, so I didn’t kill him.”
“There’s a lot here to take in, Gavin.”
“I realize that,” I tell her, and I do. There’s so much shit surrounding us, I don’t even know how to grasp it. “It’s like our lives got thrown in a giant fucking soap opera.”