“I’ve changed too, Luna. Don’t you think I understand that we’re not the same people?”
“I don’t know. What else am I supposed to think when you just announce you want to be a part of my life?”
“I am a part of your life. We share a son, that’s not going to change. What I am asking is that you give me the opportunity to be the man in your life. I want you back.”
“You realize how insane that is, right? You don’t even know me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Luna. I know you. I know every part of you.”
She stares at me, and I know she’s searching for something, I just don’t know what it is.
“You may need to accept that I’m not going to give you the answers you want—or think you want, Gavin.”
“Okay,” I tell her, because I’ve already accepted that, it doesn’t mean I’m going to quit trying.
“Come by the house tomorrow night,” she says, and I start to smile. “It’s not for me. I told Joshua that you never knew he was your son and explained what happened. My son is skeptical, and I don’t expect him to make things easy for you or me… but…”
“But?” I hedge, suddenly feeling as if it’s hard to breathe.
“He wants to talk to you. I know that you might want time alone with him, but right now… until we navigate through this, and I’m sure of how Joshua feels, I’d like to be there.”
“Believe it or not, I’d prefer that. I could take you both out to dinner. Maybe we can—”
“Come to the house. We’ll order pizza. I’d prefer the whole town not know what we talk about and what my son is feeling—which they would if we went to a public restaurant. Stone Lake is still a small town. It’s just how things are.”
“I’ll bring the pizza,” I tell her, and she continues to gaze at me, her face a mixture of worried and sad. Then, without another word she walks away. The urge to chase her is there, but I let her leave—at least for now.
I have to move slowly with Luna. I want to give us both time to get to know each other again. Most of all, I don’t want to rush her and ruin my chances. I need her to give me a shot…a chance to claim my son and the woman I’ve always loved…
Luna
“We need to talk, Luna.”
“We do,” I agree, hearing Ben’s voice on the other line, the hardness to it and just the way he says the words so flat… it hurts. I also know that I deserve that. I hurt him. I don’t know how to fix it, and I really don’t think I can. I never meant to hurt him. I do care about him. I want to reassure him of that, but at the same time… I have no idea how I feel about Gavin. My brain is mush right now. There’s too much coming at me, too many changes, too much to process. I’m doing the best I can and unfortunately, I know that is not good enough, at least not for Ben.
There’s just not much I can do about it right now.
“Can you get away to come over? Or would it be better if I come there?”
Shit.
“I uh… Don’t be mad, Ben.”
“Luna—”
“I want to come over, I want to talk, I swear. I just… I can’t do it tonight.”
“This is kind of important, Luna, or at least it is to me. Maybe you’ve already decided to move on.”
“It’s important to me, believe it or not it really is. It’s just I… God…. Gavin is coming over tonight.”
“Of course he is. I’ll talk to you later, Luna.”
“Ben, stop! It’s not like that.”
“It sure sounds exactly like that.”
“It’s not. Joshua wanted to talk with Gavin. I wanted to be there until they got to know each other, so I invited him over here. That’s it I swear. This is about Joshua, nothing else.”
“If you believe that, Luna, I think maybe you’re fooling yourself,” he responds, and I swallow down the sadness I’m feeling.
“I care about you, Ben. You’re important to me. I can’t help the fact all this is going on right now. I have to make sure my son is happy and protected. He’ll always have to come first.”
“I can deal with your son coming first, Luna. I wouldn’t want it any other way. If it was, you wouldn’t be the kind of woman I want. The kind that I’m definitely falling for,” he admits, and I’m left wondering how words that are meant to make you feel good can make you feel so sad.
“Ben—”
“What I can’t deal with is the fact you seem to be putting Lodge first.”
“That’s not fair, this is about Joshua.”
“Is it really? I get that you and Lodge have a history, Luna. I get it, and I know it involves your son. But what you need to be able to answer is just one question. Are Lodge and your feelings for him firmly behind you? I’m too old to start competing with ghosts from a woman’s past.”