“Then why—”
He gestures me to stop talking. “I’m not forgiving your father—sorry, Floyd—for anything, but he needs help. He didn’t ask us for it. He hasn’t asked us for anything. All he’s done is try to find his biological sons.”
“Why now?” I ask. “The whole thing perplexes me to no end.”
“It does me as well,” he agrees. “Maybe, once he’s sober, we can find out.”
“Maybe. Honestly, I don’t care one way or the other. I’m more interested in the motives of my real father. You. You said you’ve kept things from Donny and me. Maybe it’s time I know the whole story.”
He sighs. “Haven’t you guessed by now?”
“No.”
But it’s a lie. Things occur to me from time to time—things I can’t bear to bring to the forefront of my consciousness.
Things I’ve gone through. Things my brother has gone through. Things countless others have gone through.
Things that maybe…
Possibly…
God, I don’t want to go there.
But I must. Maybe the truth will help set me free.
“I haven’t allowed myself to think of reasons that might make sense,” I say with a sigh. “I don’t want to acknowledge them.”
“Then you already know.”
“How? How is it even possible?”
“It’s a long story,” he says. “Long and complicated. My brothers and I have covered things up as best we can. It took a lot of money and connections, but we buried that part of our past for our children’s sake.”
“Part of me doesn’t want to know. Never wants to know. I can’t bear the thought of something so heinous happening to you or anyone else.”
“You wonder why I couldn’t forgive my father,” he says. “My father played a significant role in what happened to me, and when it was over, he covered it up as I did, but with one difference. He didn’t get me the help I needed when I was young. I was determined not to make that same error in judgment.”
Briny bile crawls up my throat. I swallow down a dry heave.
It’s true, then. Everything I could never allow myself to face.
Because I could give you what you needed.
Those words Dad uttered meant more than just the best therapy money could buy.
He could also give Donny and me his understanding. Practical understanding.
“How?” I ask again. Then, “I’m so sorry, Dad. I’m so fucking sorry.” I bury my head in my hands.
Tears don’t come. I’m dry. My throat is like a hot desert.
“I’ll tell you. You and Donny both.”
“No.” I shake my head vehemently. “Leave Donny out of it. I spared him all I could when we were in captivity, and I’ll spare him this now.”
“Oh, Dale,” Dad says, his tone laced with sadness. “It’s not up to you to save your brother. You can only save yourself.”
Chapter Seventeen
Ashley
Small talk.
I’m so sick of small talk, but that’s all that’s happening as Brendan and I finish our dinner and the Latour. Somehow, I’ve got to get him back on the subject of Dale and the Steels.
It doesn’t happen, so I check my watch. “It’s getting late, and I’ve got work early.”
“You can’t leave yet,” he says. “There’s dessert.”
“Oh?” I clutch my stomach. “I’m sure I couldn’t eat another bite.”
“I’m sure you can. I bought a peach pie from Ava’s bakery. Made with Steel peaches.”
Steel peaches are the bomb, but I wasn’t fabricating. I am actually pretty full. Still…this is a chance to get him talking again. The pie itself is a segue back to the Steels.
I smile. “You’ve convinced me. Her hamburger buns were excellent, and I already know I love Steel peaches.”
He rises and pulls the pie out of the refrigerator. He slices two pieces, plates them, and brings them back to the small table, sliding one in front of me. “You’ll love it. I’ve never had anything from Ava that isn’t top notch.”
“Tell me more about Ava,” I say, spearing a piece of the pie with my fork. “How did she leave the Steel family?”
He laughs. “She didn’t leave. She’s still very much a part of the family. She just wants to do things on her own, and she’s not interested in any of the Steel ventures.”
“Not all the Steels work on the ranch. Donny and Diana don’t.”
“No, but they’ve still got the Steel money behind them. Who do you think paid for their education and training? Donny wouldn’t be a lawyer and Diana wouldn’t be a budding architect without the Steel money.”
“I don’t think you can say that,” I say. “Scholarships are readily available for qualified applicants.” I should know, I add in my head. But I’m still not ready to divulge too much of my past to Brendan.
“But who needs to qualify when the Steels can just pay?”
“Are you saying Donny and Dee aren’t qualified?”
“You’re putting words in my mouth. That’s not what I’m saying at all. They’re both bright. All the Steels are. But they were spared the pain in the ass of applying for aid.”