I can’t disagree. Applying for financial aid and scholarships was a giant pain. By the end, my fingers nearly filled in all the information on autopilot. My perseverance paid off, though, in free college and grad school.
“I see,” is all I add to his comment.
“Nothing against being loaded,” Brendan says. “I’d love having no student loan payments.”
I say nothing this time. I’m spared student loan payments because Mom and I were so financially destitute that I received grants as well as scholarships for my undergrad. What was left, Mom and I both worked hard to pay. Mom doing hair, and I waiting tables on weekends.
The fact that Brendan has student loan payments means only that he was better off than I was during his college years—something I’m still not willing to share.
Yet I get it. He’s not begrudging the Steels their fortune, or Donny and Dee their lack of student loan repayment. He’s simply stating fact. I perceive no purple envy in his tone. Yes, to me envy is purple, not green—something that always astonished my mother.
“The luck of the draw,” I say simply. “We can’t all be born into ultrarich families.”
“Or adopted into them,” Brendan says.
Hmm. Now there’s a little purple in his tone. He’s Dale’s age, went to school with Dale. The envy is understandable. I don’t hear any resentment, really. Just a little “gee, it’d be nice if I’d had his luck.”
Indeed, it’d be nice if I’d had a little of his luck as well.
But I turned out okay, and by the looks of things, so did Brendan.
“So we’re back to Dale,” I say. Which is exactly where I want to be. “Tell me more.”
“About Dale?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve told you all I know. He’s a good guy, but he’s…unreachable in a way.”
“Did he have a girlfriend in high school?” Already I’m smacking myself in my mind. That question sounded really immature, but there’s no taking it back now.
“Not really. He dated now and then, went to dances. But never anything serious.”
“Dale went to dances?” My jaw drops. I can’t even imagine Dale dancing in a gym full of students.
“Sure. We all did. Remember, Snow Creek is a tiny little town. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone participates in the social activities.”
“He just doesn’t seem the type.”
Brendan laughs. “I can’t disagree, but he was there. We all were.”
“But he never dated seriously?”
“To my knowledge, he still hasn’t. Some of us wondered if he might be gay, but we abandoned that theory a long time ago when a friend of mine who is gay debunked it.”
No, definitely not gay. I simply nod.
“Tell me more about why you think the Steels covered something up,” I say.
“I’ve pretty much told you all I know. Grandpa Steel died in prison, and his wife killed herself when Talon and the others were young.”
I gasp. “She killed herself?”
“Yeah. But there’s no record of that either.”
“No death certificate?”
“Oh, there’s a death certificate. But people wonder if it was forged.”
“Why would anyone forge a death certificate?”
“I don’t know, but the Steels can do it.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because they forged one for Brad Steel himself. He faked his own death.”
Colors, sounds, emotions descend around me in a psychedelic, discordant waterfall. What kind of family have I wandered into?
“Shocked?” Brendan asks.
“Of course I am. Who the hell fakes their own death?”
“Brad Steel, apparently. And he probably faked his wife’s too.”
“But you said Brad Steel died in prison.”
“He did. But before he went to prison, he came back from the dead, so to speak. Twice.”
I’m incredulous. “Twice? Why?”
“No one knows.”
“There are prison records. Court documents.”
“There should be, but there aren’t.”
“When did Brad Steel die?”
“About twenty-five years ago.”
“Ample time for all records to be covered.”
“Exactly.”
“But didn’t anyone ask at that time?”
“Probably.”
“But no one got an answer?”
“The only answers,” Brendan says, “lie with the Steels themselves. If anyone else still lives who knows the truth, they’ve probably been handsomely paid to keep quiet.”
“Does this have anything to do with your uncle? Great-uncle, I mean, who died at Brad’s wedding?”
“If I knew, I’d tell you. Just watch your step around the Steels. They’re good people, but if you cross them, you may just disappear.”
Chapter Eighteen
Dale
Save myself?
That ship sailed as soon as I fell in love with Ashley White. I let loose a thunderstorm that can never be contained.
“I tried to save Donny,” I say, “all those years ago.”
“You were a child yourself, Dale.”
“But he was my responsibility. I was older.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? Does that mean—”
“No,” he says. “Only I have been through something similar to you. My brothers and sister were spared.”
“I just can’t—” My breath catches, and for a moment I wonder if I’ll be able to take in another gulp of air.
“Breathe, Dale. Breathe.”
My father’s voice soothes me. It always has. Those nights I’d wake up in terror, it was he who calmed me. When my mother tried, I cried and cried until she brought my father to me. Only he could chase away the nightmares when I was young.