“I’m not going to, don’t worry.” He reaches over and presses the call button. The door bangs open, causing me to jump.
“How are you feeling, Jenna?” the nurse asks.
“I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Let me have a look.” Say what? The nurse lifts my blanket and puts my feet into the stir-ups. How in the hell is she going to check and see if I have to go to the bathroom? Is there some monitor I’m not aware of? “Looks like we’re ready to start pushing.”
What’s this we shit? Is she pushing too?
The nurse leaves me with my legs wide open on this joke of a bed only to return with the doctor. He sits down and smiles.
Creepy.
“Jimmy, do you remember what they taught you in Lamaze?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Well, it’s time. Okay, Jenna, on the count of three I want you to push.”
“How the hell do I do that?”
“I thought you said you had to go to the bathroom?” he asks.
“I do, but you won’t let me up,” I beg.
“Jenna, it’s your body’s way of telling you it’s time to push. Push out your little girl so you can meet her.”
Easier said than done in my opinion, but it’s clear no one cares what I think.
Jimmy helps me sit up. He holds my hand as I bear down.
“It burns.”
“Again, Jenna.”
I do this again and again. Over and over. Each one is more taxing than the one before. Jimmy feeds me ice chips in between the contractions and pushing. He also wipes my forehead for me and moves my hair away from my face. He’s doting when all I want to do right now is punch him in the junk. I never want to do this again.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I say, out of breath.
“Yes, you can, Sweet Lips. Just one more time.”
“Oh, what do you know? You’re never touching me again with that evil penis of yours. It’s bad news.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? What, am I not sexy enough to have sex with now? Is it my fault my vagina is going to be as wide as the Atlantic?”
“With proper exercises you can decrease the stretching,” the nurse by my head says. Jimmy and I both look at her. He shakes his head and mutters, “not cool.”
“Jimmy it hurts.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Okay, Jenna, she’s almost here. Take a look,” the doctor says.
Jimmy and the nurse lean me forward and I can see the top of her head. She has dark hair – it’s slimy now but I bet it’s beautiful.
“Look, that’s our baby.”