“This is from my dad,” Quinn says. He hands Katelyn her box. I didn’t even know he brought it over. Honestly, I thought I hid it far enough at the back that Liam would find it last and I would be gone. I don’t want to do this family shit right now.
“Thanks, Quinn.” Katelyn takes the present from him and pulls the ribbon. The satin falls onto her lap and she tears off the paper. I look at Liam, who is focusing on Josie and Noah. They’re oblivious to what’s going on.
My heart beats faster when she starts to lift the lid. I need to get out of here. I stand just as she gasps. I look down at the ground. I can’t bear to look at her. I hear the charms clank together as she pulls out her bracelet. When I bought it, I thought it was a good idea. Now, I’m second guessing the decision to even give it to her.
“Harrison?” I close my eyes at the way my name sounds. I shake my head and walk out of the room. I don’t want her to tell me she loves it or that she’s thankful. I did it because I wanted her to know that all of us, including Mason, can fit into a life together. But that’s not what she wants.
I don’t want to leave Quinn, but the pain is too much to take. The studio is cold and far too dark for my liking. We haven’t practiced or even jammed in weeks. I turn on the light and shut the door. I need to be alone. Pulling out my stool and putting on my headphones, I sit down. My sticks are sitting there, evidence that Peyton has been down here practicing. I like that she feels comfortable, and hope that she tells her mom that she wants lessons, because I think it’s helping her self-esteem and it gives her something to do, aside from her fascination with football.
The beat of the drums soothes me. This is my escape. I need this, even if my left hand is hampered by a cast. I know I’m a shit for ditching out on Christmas, but I need to be able to clear my head. When she’s in my vicinity, my judgment is clouded. All I want to do is pull her into a corner and beg her to give us a fair chance. There’s no way I can do that and save face at the same time. She was loud and clear when she kicked me out of her house that night. She wasn’t willing to look at the possibility that the photos were lies. She just thought I was a liar and a cheat, something I’ve never been.
I freeze when the beat of her song starts coming from my drums. What would possess me to play this, I don’t know. I put the sticks down and take a deep breath. The door opens and footsteps come near me.
“Are you really leaving after the wedding?”
I look up at Liam and nod. “I can’t be in the same room as her and she’s always around. I need my space.”
“How does Quinn feel?”
“He’s fine,” I say as I run my finger of the rim of my set. “He knows we’ll come back sometimes, and since he’ll be homeschooled, he can travel back and forth with me.”
Liam sighs and pulls out another stool to sit on. “With you back in L.A., JD won’t want to come here. He’ll be asking me to come back there to work.”
“Don’t put this on me, Liam. You want someone to blame; blame Sam or hell, blame Katelyn for the bullshit. If she didn’t want me, she should’ve just stayed away. I was doing fine from a distance, but no, she had to show that she was jealous of other women and act like she cared so that I’d pursue her harder.”
“I know you’re hurting.”
I shake my head. “Nah, man, it’s beyond hurt. I can’t look at her without wanting to kiss her and shake her at the same time. I don’t get it.”
“She’s scared.”
“Well, that’s no way to live your life and we all know how short life can
be.”
“I believe in second chances,” Liam says. I know he does, or he wouldn’t be getting married the day after tomorrow, but not all of us can be so lucky. “If you need time, you should take it.”
“It’s not me needing time. I know what I want. I want those three girls upstairs to be in my life permanently. I want my son to have Katelyn as a mother figure, because that’s what he wants. I don’t need the time to figure that shit out. I already know it.” I rub my hands over my face and groan. “It’s not me, Liam. I’m not running or shutting doors. I’m moving because it’s too hard to sit back and watch her life go on while mine is teetering on the edge, waiting for a glimmer of hope that she might, someday, want to be with me.”
Liam comes over and pats me on the back, squeezing my shoulder. “Josie says brunch is in thirty minutes.”
“I’ll be up.”
No sooner does Liam shut the door than it opens again. This time, my visitor is a short and sweet little girl with a black velvet ribbon in her hair. She comes over and climbs into my lap. Her arms wrap around my neck as she hugs me tightly. I squeeze her back with all that I have, hoping that I leave an impression for her.
“How come you don’t come over for dinner anymore?”
I’m not sure how to answer her. What do you say to a child who has lost so much in her life? “I’m busy with writing music. Sometimes it takes a lot of my time.”
I adjust Peyton and set her on my knee. “Mommy cries a lot at night again.”
“What do you mean, ‘again’?”
She shrugs. “I think she stopped for a little while, but now she does it again.”
I push her hair behind her shoulder and offer her a smile. I don’t know what to say. Part of me hopes she’s crying because we aren’t together, but I should know better. She misses her simple life and with that, comes the longing she has for her husband. She doesn’t shed tears for me.
“Wanna play?” I ask her, holding up the sticks. Her grin spreads from ear to ear as she takes them from my hand. She spins in my lap and is ready for me to give her the signal.