“Arms of a stranger, a warm blooded kiss, trying to fill the void, of the one that I miss.
Perfume whispers, lashes and lace, but I can only hear your voice, I’m so out of place.
All these painkillers, that’s all they are.
Painkillers.”
I finish the last riff, unable to look at the back of the room to see if she’s still standing there. This song was for her, a way for me to tell her without having to say the words what I am without her.
CHAPTER 16
JOSIE
I went to see Liam sing at the pub two nights ago. Two nights, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Listening to him sing, even if the words were telling me about his life, made me want to rush the stage and pull him tight in my arms, but the song wasn’t for me. He was performing for his fans, giving them the Liam Page that they love. On that stage, that wasn’t my Liam. He was someone I don’t know.
I did the unthinkable after seeing him play; I downloaded his albums and listened to them straight through. Some songs made my cry, some made me laugh, a few of them made me so angry. Listening to him sing about lost love, the love that he threw away like it meant nothing. He had no right telling the world about us. It’s like he was telling me he’s sorry without having to look me in the face.
I’ll see him today and I don’t know what to say or how to act. Do I pretend that I wasn’t at his show on Friday, act like I don’t care or will he know? Did Ralph tell him? I’m confident that he didn’t see me since I stayed in the back with Jenna. We listened to two songs before I had had enough and needed to leave.
I couldn’t watch him up there. I couldn’t pretend that he didn’t affect me. And worst of all, Jenna knew. She looked at me with such sad eyes and held my hand as we walked out of the pub. She didn’t ask, all she said was Noah’s name and I broke down.
I miss Liam and I don’t want to. I’m with Nick. He loves me. We're going to get married and maybe have a baby together. That’s the plan. We live together, even though I never asked him to move in. He sort of stopped staying at his own place. We didn’t discuss it. I was afraid if I said something he’d leave me like Liam did.
So why is my heart telling me to give Liam a chance?
I rest my head on the window as we drive to Katelyn’s. She asked that we all come over and treat this Sunday the same as we always have. Last week we didn’t watch football, we mourned. Honestly I’m in no mood to celebrate with stupid touchdown dances and cocktail weenies.
Nick drives with one hand and slips his other into mine, his thumb caressing mine. For a fleeting moment I remember what it was like when Liam held my hand.
Yesterday, Liam Westbury, asked me to Homecoming. He said he’d call me last night, but he didn’t. I’m prepared for him to tell me he’s joking or that he decided to go with Candy Appleton because she’ll put out. I mean that's what boys want, right? They're looking for something easy so they can say they did it.
Well, I’m not going to do it with Liam Westbury so if that’s why he asked me, he’s got another thing coming.
I take deep, calming breaths. I’m going to be late for homeroom but I don’t care. Liam is in there and I don’t really want to see him right now. My mom was right; a boy like Liam Westbury wants nothing to do with a
girl like me. I’m from the wrong side of Beaumont.
I slam my locker shut and turn, smashing right into a wall of body. I step back and look up. Liam's peering down at me, his eyes full of life. He pulls my hand into his and leads us to the double doors. I’m no longer going to be late. I’m officially skipping my first class so Liam can break my heart. At least I technically only had half a day to get used to the idea of dancing with him.
Liam pushes the heavy metal doors open, his grip on my hand tightening. He takes us to the football field. Oh god, he wants to make out under the bleachers. Do I want this? If I don’t, maybe he’ll tell me he can’t go to the dance with me. I wish I had talked to Katelyn about this before she ran off with Mason. I know they are close to doing it. She talks about it all the time, but I don’t think I want to do it just yet.
We bypass the football field and head toward the baseball field. He wants to do it in the dugout. I guess that’s better than behind the bleachers because at least there's a bench I can lay on.
He pulls us around the back of the dugout, away from view of the school. I know what he wants now. I look down and wonder if I’ll get grass stains on my knees.
His free hand cups my face and I guess I should be happy he wants to at least kiss me first, or maybe this is some type of tongue test. Oh, how I wish I could call Katelyn right now.
“Why are you hiding?”
I shake my head, pushing my face into his hand more. He’s still holding my other hand, probably trying to prevent me from leaving.
“You’re too beautiful to hide, Josie.”
“I’m not ready,” I blurt out. I cover my mouth as my eyes go wide. He’s confused by my outburst and shakes his head.
“I just want to talk,” he says. “I’m sorry for not calling last night, my father was on my case and by the time he was done and I finished my homework it was after nine and I didn’t want to disturb your parents if they were sleeping.”
I think I’m in love.