“If I knew all I had to do was hold your hand to make you smile, I would’ve done this yesterday.” I didn’t mean to smile but thinking about how awkward I was with Liam, I can’t help it. He was so understanding and caring.
I sit up straight and give Nick my best reassuring smile. I’m not going to be able to blame my mood on Mason for much longer. Sooner or later he’s going to start asking questions.
Questions that lead to answers that I’m not ready to hear or accept.
When we pull into Katelyn’s driveway, Liam’s motorcycle sits in the carport. I close my eyes and wonder what it would be like to get on the back, to lean forward and press my chest against him and wrap my arms around his waist.
A knock on the window startles me. “You comin’ in?” Nick asks before I can open the door. When I step out, he pulls my hand into his. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say as I lead us into the house.
I’m not prepared for what I find inside. Noah runs past me, my son who hasn’t spoken to me since Friday, right up to Liam and shows him his Sports Illustrated. The sight of Liam sitting there on the couch, dressed in a football jersey with Peyton next him, and my son standing there eager to show him something in a magazine is nothing compared to Liam leaning forward and forgetting about the game just so he can talk to Noah.
I run off to the bathroom before Nick can see my tears. I’m not being fair to him. Never have I complained about Liam not being in Noah’s life and now that he’s here, I want it. I want to see Noah happy and be able to say he has a dad, but I also know Nick wants that title. He might deserve the role, but maybe I owe Liam the opportunity to let Noah make that choice.
When I come back to the living room, the scene is comical. Liam has all the kids around him and Nick is sitting by himself. I try not to laugh as I take a seat next to Nick. Liam watches me out of the corner of his eye and smirks when Nick puts his arm around me. He full out smiles when he sees Nick pulling me close and I know Nick is wondering why I’m rigid and didn’t just fall into the crook of his arm.
“Well, I hate to break up this party, but I promised Miss Peyton we’d watch at least one game downstairs,” Liam says causing Peyton to jump and Noah’s face to fall. Liam leans over and whispers something into Noah’s ear and he smiles.
Seeing Noah’s face light-up, I realize that I need to put my anger aside and do what’s right for my son and give Liam a chance. My decision will hurt Nick, but it’s something that I need to do for Noah.
CHAPTER 17
LIAM
Peyton and I watch an action-packed game that goes into overtime. I still can’t get over the fact she knows the calls better than half of the officials. She has me cracking up; she’s extremely vocal and holds her position well.
“Are you going to play football?” I ask her, curious whether this is something she and Mason discussed.
“Well, I’m not going to be a cheerleader like my mama was.”
Her response effectively shuts my mouth. Mason loved having Katelyn on the sidelines for his games and I admit it was sweet pleasure having my girl cheer for me. The best part was the away games. The cheerleaders would ride back with us. Josie and I always sat in back where it was darkest. My lips never left a part of her body until we pulled into the school parking lot.
Elle comes down, dressed the exact opposite of her sister. These girls are a spitting image of their parents.
“Mommy says it’s time for lunch.” She turns and runs up the stairs, not waiting for an answer.
“What do you think? Should we head up for some grub?”
Peyton climbs onto my back. I hoist her up and run around their basement like a crazed man just so I can listen to her laugh.
“Can we do this again next Sunday?”
I stop running and pull her around to rest on my hip. “I gotta head back to work, but maybe we can watch the game together on the computer.”
“I don’t have a computer.” I’m not going to let that stop me. I kiss her cheek and tell her not to worry about it.
When we get upstairs, everyone has congregated in the living room for lunch. Katelyn made just about every football food known to man. Peyton and I fix our plates and join everyone for the next game.
Noah’s sitting on the floor so I sit down next to him. I notice that he smiles, but I’m not going to call attention to it. I told him after I watched the game with Peyton we’d go out back and work on his pass route timing. I’d like to find a way to prolong my day with him, but I know Josie isn’t going to let me. I still need to sit down and talk to her about Noah and some type of visitation. Maybe we start with phone calls every few nights and I can come back to see him every month.
More importantly we need to tell him that I’m his dad, whether Josie wants too or not. I can imagine he’s going to be hurt and probably hate my guts, but I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to him. Not being a part of his life is not an option for me.
Noah’s plate is empty, so I take mine and his into the kitchen to throw them away. Josie comes in behind me, her perfume weaving its way into my senses. I hate that she can smell so fucking good at Sunday football and I can’t touch her.
“Hey,” she says, shocking me. I thought for sure we were playing the avoidance game.
“Hi,” I reply, barely looking at her. I pretend to clean, the ultimate chick move in avoiding an awkward conversation.