American Honey

I reluctantly start my truck and shift it into drive. My hand hangs over the top of the wheel as I navigate the main road back to the ranch. I could’ve driven through the road we created when I moved in, but it shortens my trip and I’m not ready to load Savannah’s bags into the back of my truck.

All too soon I’m pulling into the long driveway that leads to the house. Putting my truck into park, I refuse to shut off the engine. I wish I knew a way to stop this, but I don’t. The moment Savannah climbs into my truck for the last time, our lives are going to be forever changed.

Savannah steps out with her stupidly big purse and her suitcase behind her. I close my eyes, hopeful that something, anything, will come to mind to make this moment go away. I slam my shoulder into my door, pushing it open. I can’t make eye contact with her as I take the steps two at a time, but when I’m there in front her I waste no time placing my lips against hers. My hands cup her face, holding her to me. Today, I need to call the shots and be as physical as I can with her. I need the memory of her lips ingrained in my mind.

I hate that I have to pull away, but standing on this porch waiting for the inevitable to catch up with me is pointless. With another brush of my lips against hers, I pull away. My heart breaks at the sight of tears slowly falling down her cheeks. My thumbs wipe them away as I lean my forehead against hers.

Clearing my throat, I step away and pick up her suitcase. It’s lighter than I thought, giving me hope that she’s left some of her clothes here for when she returns. Lord knows I’m praying that she does. . Savannah follows behind, climbing in and slamming her door. I hope that it’s pent up anger from leaving that she’s taking out on my truck.

When I come around to my side, I open the door to find her in the middle. I smile at her. She doesn’t know how much this small gesture means to me. I’m thankful we’re leaving so early so I can drive the back roads, because taking the highway and making her move away from me is not an option.

I climb in and hold her hand as her head rests on my shoulder. I’m afraid the ride is going to be done in silence and that’s not what I want. I want to hear her voice and record it for my memories. It’s my choice to live out in the sticks and right now I’m willing to give up my house for an apartment with Internet. Phone calls are going to get very expensive. That’s if she calls me.

“Where we going?” she asks, as we pass the solitary bench in the middle of nowhere. The same place where I picked her up not so many weeks ago.

“I’m not letting you take the bus to Austin. I’m driving you.”

“Tyler, you don’t have to.”

Doesn’t she know that right now I’d do whatever she wanted me to? If she asked me to go to Paris, I’d do it in a heartbeat, but she won’t. She either doesn’t want to interrupt my life or doesn’t want me in hers. I’m praying it’s the former because not having her in mine isn’t going to be easy.

“I know I don’t have to, but I need to be with you until the very last second.”

“Thank you,” she says through her tears. I put my arm around her and relax into the seat so she can snuggle into me some more. She grips my shirt and sobs, killing me slowly with each and every shake of her body. I have to bite my lips to keep my own tears at bay. Savannah won’t see me cry. Maybe when she’s out of sight and I’m pulled off onto the side of the road I’ll let out some frustrations, but not in front of her. I, at least, need to try and be strong for the both of us.

The drive is shorter than I had hoped and when I pull into the airport parking lot, we’

re both quiet. I shut off the truck and wrap my arms around her, kissing her neck, cheeks, eyes and finally her lips.

“I hate that our summer was cut short,” I whisper against her mouth. I honestly don’t know what else to say to her, except to ask her to stay, but I have nothing to offer her. She doesn’t need to be tied down to some ranch hand. This is the life I chose for me, she didn’t choose it for her. Her dreams are far too important to her and to me. She needs this opportunity to grow.

“I love you, Tyler.”

My heart stops at those three little words that mean so much. I pull back from her, to look in her eyes. I can tell by the shine in them that she means it. She loves me.

“I love you, Savannah, so much. It’s so hard not to and I tried.”

We hold each other, and spend most of our time kissing until it’s time for her to go. I hold her hand as we walk through the airport, dragging her suitcase behind us. It’s only when she has her ticket in hand do I feel my throat closing up. I can’t cry in front of her. I just can’t.

Savannah falls into my arms when we reach security. Her body shakes with sobs. I hold her to me, trying to take away her pain, but my own is just as present. I can’t help but wonder if she’d be like this at the end of the summer or if we’d be okay with saying goodbye. Something tells me things would be worse.

Savannah pulls me down for a kiss, this time her hands cupping my face. She peppers me with kisses, telling me that she loves me once again. Before I can reply, she’s running up to the TSA agent and checking in. All I can do is stand there and watch her disappear from me.

I move to the side, where I can have a better view of her and wait for her to turn around. I tell myself if she does I’m going to ask her, no beg her, to stay… to stay and be with me.

Except she doesn’t turn around and I can no longer see her.

She’s gone.

Chapter 18 – Savannah

Paris…

The Reeducation of Savannah McGuire will be continued.

Look for it in the Fall, 2014

Melissa Collins