Lost in You (Lost in You 1)

And now I’m pacing. My hands are red from the constant pulling that I’m doing on them. I should sit, but I’m afraid I’ll wrinkle my dress. All I want is to see him again.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Alex asks as she places her hands on my shoulders in an effort to calm me down. I look at Alex and admire how beautiful she is. Tonight she’s wearing a light brown mermaid-style dress with a chocolate brown bodice. The contrast with her skin tone is perfect. Her long, dark hair is swept up into a French twist with just minimal make-up highlighting her eyes. I’m in awe of how natural she looks tonight.

“I do. I can’t explain it, Alex. It’s almost like the sun is shining on me for the first time. Looking at him from across the room the other night was one thing, but talking to him or when we touched for the first time, it’s like I burst into flames.”

“Are you going to ask him to finish the tour with you?” she asks this jokingly. My face deadpans and hers morphs into nothing less than horror. “What is it?”

I shake my head. “I’m in so much trouble.”

“Why? Did you have unprotected sex?”

“No, nothing like that, although with what I’m feeling right now I probably wouldn’t have told him no. But we can’t do anything like that, at all.”

“Does he have a girlfriend or a wife?”

I look at Alex with tears forming in my eyes. She dabs them gently before they spill over and ruin my make-up. “He’s only seventeen, Alex.”

Alex doesn’t need to tell me what she’s thinking. I can see it on her face. I imagine that is what my face looked like when Ryan told me, but everything told me to forget that he’s not yet of age and still be a part of his life. I can wait. I can be patient.

“Hadley –”

“I know, Alex,” I interrupt her. “Believe me, I know, but I can’t be away from him. I just can’t. He makes me feel…” I cover my face with my hands and fight the tears. Her arms wrap around me. She’s soothing me even though she knows I’m making a huge mistake.

“This can become dangerous, sweetie. You’re an adult and should know better, but I understand the feelings, sometimes they’re so strong you just can’t ignore them,” she whispers into my ear.

I nod because she’s right. If I ignore them not only am I denying myself happiness, but I’ll be hurt and sad and can see myself withdrawing from my life. “I have to have him in my life,” I mumble from behind my hands.

“How far did you guys go last night?” she asks as she steps around me, pulling my hands away from my face.

If it was anyone but Alex asking, I’d punch them. I know she’s asking because she’s my best friend and that’s what best friends do.

“Nothing at first, just holding hands and I fell asleep on him. I couldn’t help it. But in the morning, he kissed me and I wanted it so bad. I didn’t stop him, I couldn’t.” I want to look away from her, but don’t want her to think I’m ashamed of what happened with Ryan, because I’m not. If I had to do it all over again, I would. I wouldn’t hesitate.

“You need to be careful, Hadley. I’m not going to give you a tongue lashing because you’ll end up getting that from Ian when he finds out. Besides, I’m your best friend and I like seeing your face light up when you talk about him.”

I pull her into a fierce hug. “Thank you.”

She taps me on the shoulder, I look at her and she points. I turn and there he is, dressed head to toe in black with the black bowtie hanging loosely as if we were just returning home after a long night. Alex releases me and walks over to Ryan. His eyes go wide as she reaches for his neck.

“Let me fix this for you,” she says so sweetly that I want to hug her again. We could have a love-in and I’d be happy missing the party just for that. I stifle my laugh as she tugs and straightens the tie for Ryan. He stands there, stock still, probably afraid to move.

“There, now you’re perfect.” She turns to me and winks. “I’ll just be outside the door.”

Ryan watches me as I watch Alex leave. Once the door is shut, I move to him, faster than I mean to, but I need to touch him. It’s been under ten hours and I’ve missed him so much. My hand reaches for his, his fingers interlocking with mine. I pull him gently to me. He almost stumbles into me before he catches himself.

“Sorry,” he says. He’s biting his lower lip, trying not to smile.

“Were you trying to tackle me?”

“Maybe.” He shrugs and looks away before I catch the smile. I reach up and pull his face toward me so I can see him.

“I would’ve caught you.”

“You already did.”

I want to kiss him, desperately. My eyes go from his eyes to his mouth and back again. This time he does smile, but not the ‘I got a puppy’ smile, but the ‘Yeah, she’s my girl’ smile. And I definitely like being on the receiving end of that one.

“So what did you do?” I’ve been dying to ask him since earlier. All he said was to keep the plan as we had it.