Lost in You (Lost in You 1)

“I snuck out. My parents, they don’t check on me, haven’t in years, so I figured why not? You wouldn’t happen to know how a car ended up in front of my house, would you? One that just so happened to have this tuxedo and invite?” Ryan pulls the ball invitation out of his coat pocket and shakes it.

“I haven’t a clue about the car,” I say while trying to fight a grin. “I can’t believe you snuck out. I don’t want you to get into trouble over me.”

Ryan leans in. “Hmm… I heard that you like bad boys so I thought I’d give it a try.”

I’m not sure if I should be happy or pissed off that he did this to be with me, but the thought of him being a bad boy is exciting. My heart and brain aren’t agreeing once more. The logical part is saying he shouldn’t be doing this, but my heart is screaming for me to jump in his arms and show him how thankful I am.

There’s a soft knock at the door, I look over his shoulder and move to answer. His hand finds my waist, holding me in place. Before I can say anything his lips are on me, soft and slow. He pulls away too soon, but his expression tells me that he’s happy he did that.

“I wanted to do that before we went out there.” His head motions toward the door.

“Yeah, we can’t do that out there with all those people. Listen, when we're out there, you’re with Alex. I don’t like it and I don’t expect you to either, but we can’t be seen together because there will be questions and we can’t have that. I won’t be able to do this,” I press my lips to his briefly. “Know that I want to.”

He nods and grabs my hand pulling me toward the door. He swings it open, startling Alex. Her smile brightens as her eyes take in our handholding. Ryan gives my hand a squeeze before letting it go.

Alex opens the next set of doors and stands aside letting me go through. As soon as I am over the threshold, the music shifts and the master of ceremonies announces my arrival. I plaster my bright I’m happy to be here smile

and stand there for a few moments allowing people to take my picture. This will be the first time Ryan and I are photographed together even though he’ll be standing next to Alex. Only he and I will know the significance of what tonight means.

I turn and look at Ryan. He extends his arm to Alex as if he’s done this a hundred times. Alex takes his arm and leads him through the maze of tables, whispering something into his ear. A server signals to my table; I offer him a slight nod. Ryan releases Alex’s arm and pulls out her chair first and then mine, effectively dismissing the server. As soon as I’m seated, he pushes me in slightly before taking the seat next to Alex. I try to hide my jealousy. I’m sure it’s evident on my face. Alex snickers at me. I roll my eyes and lean over toward Ryan so I can talk to him.

“Where did you learn how to act like that?”

Ryan picks up the glass in front of him and takes a sip of the water. He holds the glass in his hand, as if he’s admiring the glasswork. “My grandma made me take an etiquette class once.”

“Why?”

“I had to escort her to the opera once and she wanted everything to be proper.”

“Just once?”

Ryan looks away and shifts in his seat. I wish he was sitting next to me so I could reach under the table and comfort him or maybe take back the question. He looks down at his place setting and fiddles with the napkin sitting there. A server appears, placing his dinner in front of him. He looks up quickly and says thank you.

He watches the server as he places my dinner in front of me. I look at the server briefly before gazing back at Ryan, waiting for an answer.

He clears his throat. “She died the night of the opera. We went out to dinner, to the opera and out for coffee afterward with some of her lady friends. The next morning she never woke up.”

“Oh, Ryan, I’m so sorry.” My heart breaks not only for Ryan, but for myself because I can’t comfort him. Alex rests her hand on his arm, playing the part just so I can be in the same room as him. The things she does for me.

CHAPTER 11

Ryan

I spend a lot of time with Alex as Hadley has to be on stage or meeting with other people. Alex tells me that Hadley is a very private person and that although she can’t be with me tonight, she wants to be.

I wish I knew what is going on with Hadley and me – or maybe there isn’t anything going on at all. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act around her, but everything feels natural and exciting. Kissing her tonight was something I had thought about since I left her hotel earlier this morning. I didn’t know if she’d want me to, but she did. I haven’t a clue where all these feelings are coming from, but I know it’s Hadley. She’s bringing them out of me. I just don’t know how to control them.

I watch as she works the crowd. I’ve never looked at how women dress before. My mom has the same look all the time. She never varies. Dylan wears a lot of jeans and shorts. I’ve never seen her in a dress. I guess it’s because she’s just one of the guys. Hadley, though, looks so beautiful in her pink dress. Her hair is pulled up away from her bare shoulders. When we were together earlier, I saw glitter sparkling off her skin and thought how lucky it is to be the inanimate object that gets to be a part of her for the night.

Her dress isn’t bulky like the one Dylan wore to prom last year. I remember shopping with her and having to carry it to her car. I don’t know how she moved in it, but when she tried it on, she declared ‘this is the one’ by spinning in front of the mirror.

Hadley’s dress fits her, showing me the perfect spot to place my hands when we are able to head back into her private dressing room. Never have I had the desire to kiss a girl until I kissed her this morning. I wasn’t nervous or anxious. Everything felt right and now I want more. So much more of her and her lips pressed against mine.

Alex pulls me away from where we are standing. She sets her arm inside the crook on my elbow. She makes it look as if I’m guiding her when in reality I’m following her, hesitantly. I trust her not to take me too far away from Hadley. We stop at the bar and she orders us two Cokes, handing one to me, before leading us to the terrace.

She sets her coke on the table nearby and looks at me. “We have a problem.”

I’m taken aback because I thought the night was going well. “Um… okay.”