“Help what? Help tell EJ that I’m his father? Help by leaving Ryley so she and I can be together? Help figure out what the fuck happened to us?” The last question he says a little more loudly, making me wonder if he thinks Frannie is involved.
“Evan?”
He puts his hand up. “Not here, not now.” He walks away before I can respond. If not now, when? We can’t put this off, lives and feelings are going to get in the way of any resolve that we can muster if we do.
“Hey Frannie, are you getting some fresh air?”
“Oh, hey Evan, didn’t know you were out here.”
My blood turns cold at their conversation. Evan was right, not that I doubted him, but her response doesn’t make sense. Everyone in that bar saw what happened. She had to know that the both of us were out here.
My head pounds as the sunlight filters through the blinds. After my talk with Evan last night, Carter and I decided that the best medicine for a busted lip and slightly bruised ego was to get shitty drunk. I’m paying for it today though. Glancing quickly at my phone, it’s just after noon. It’s been years since I’ve slept the day away and damn it if I don’t feel like I haven’t even slept yet.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, my hands hold my head to keep the room from spinning. Today is going to suck and as much as I want to blame Evan and his wandering lips, he’s not the reason I started drinking. Life is. Not long after Evan went back into the bar, he left by himself. Ryley chased after him but came back alone. I tried not to let her eagerness to be with him affect me, but I lost that battle. She should’ve been by my side and not his. I guess when you ask for space, you’re allowed to do whatever you want.
The house is quiet when I walk down the stairs in desperate need of some aspirin and water. I’m never drinking again and that will last until the next time I’m feeling sorry for myself. As soon as I step into the living room the sight of the beautiful redhead who agreed to marry me a year ago catches my eye. Ryley sets her magazine down and smiles. Her sun-kissed shoulders are on full display with the tank top style, royal blue dress she’s wearing.
“Good afternoon.”
Running my hand over my recently shaved head, I groan loudly and go to her. I curl up, resting my head on her leg, and moan. “I feel like shit.” She laughs as her fingers move over my stubble.
“I know things aren’t easy, Nate, but that’s no reason to get wasted.”
“Is that what Lois told Carter?”
This time she laughs loudly. “Lois made Carter get up and mow the lawn. Now he has both kids with him at the grocery store. She also told Grace that she could wake him up and she did it with music and high-pitched singing from what Lois said.”
“That’s pure torture.”
“In the best form,” she says as she leans forward, kissing me on the cheek. I turn before she can move and press my lips to hers. I hate sharing her, but I refuse to give up on the love we have. I deepen the kiss, pushing my fingers into her hair. Our kiss is slow and sweet. She makes me feel like I can accomplish anything when she’s with me.
She rests her forehead against mine before sitting upright. I’m not stupid to think that everything is back to normal and that she’s here to tell me that she’s ready for me to come home. That would mean the nightmares I’ve been having are just that. That would also mean my brother isn’t home, and I’d rather have the nightmares than have him gone again.
“We need to talk about EJ.”
“I know,” I say, as I sit up. I want to pick her up and take her upstairs. I want to crawl back under the covers and have us close our eyes and never have this conversation.
“It’s not going to be easy.”
My eyes water from the images in my mind of me telling EJ that I’m not his dad. If I had known Evan was still alive I would’ve stopped EJ from calling me “Dad” all those years ago, but I didn’t and my selfishness is coming back to bite me in the ass.
“None of this is easy, Ry. Our lives are so fucked up right now. We’ve made so many mistakes. The lies have been built and now we have to dig ourselves out of the hole without a shovel.”
Ryley leans into me, clasping her hand with mine. “I don’t have the answers, but I think we need to do it all together. We owe it to Evan to give him this. Regardless of you and me, or Evan and me, EJ’s his son and they both need each other.”
I nod, due to a lack of words. I know she wants to do this today, whereas I want to pretend it’s never going to happen.
“I’ll go shower,” I kiss her on the forehead, letting my lips linger there. “When Carter’s back, we’ll call Evan and go meet him. We’ll do this as a family and at someplace EJ loves so he can feel comfortable.”
With that I leave her on the couch so I can get ready for the day. She’ll never understand how much her words have hurt me and I’ll never tell her. She’s a woman being torn in half by two men, both of whom she loves for different reasons, both of whom want her for themselves.
IT FEELS LIKE I’M watching one of Ryley’s romance movies play out in live action. Ryley’s pushing EJ in the swing and I can hear him yelling, “Higher, higher!” Nate stands in front of the swing, but just enough out of the way so that he doesn’t get kicked. When EJ descends, Nate is there to push him back toward Ryley. It’s me who should be doing that with Ryley, but instead I’m sitting in my car watching like a stalker. I’m that guy you read about in the paper, hear about in the news, the man who lurks around public parks looking to snatch a wife and her kid so I can take them home to play house.
No... I hunt ba
stards like that.
I’m actually supposed to be here. Today’s the day and I’m nervous as hell. I’ve faced death many times, but facing a five-year old and telling him that I’m his father and Nate isn’t scares the ever-loving shit out of me. What if he rejects me? What if I’m not the father that Nate is, or I can’t handle it? He’s been able to learn as he goes, but a five-year old has expectations that I may not be able to meet.