“You can change your mind, you know.” Mom has been telling him this every day since he signed his name on the dotted line. She didn’t say it to me - maybe because this is something I’ve wanted for the last year. That’s what I’m telling myself, at least.
Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I know I have to save Evan. I set my hand on her shoulder, butting in on his behalf. “Mom, he’ll be fine. Just think, next week you can worry about me.” I all but push her out of Evan’s room and shut the door.
“I should kick your ass for leaving a week early,” I tell him, sitting down in the chair at his desk. I pick up a picture of him and Ryley and smile. He loves her. If you had asked me nine months ago, I would’ve said it’s not possible for Evan Archer to love anyone but himself.
“She’s going to miss you,” I say, setting the photo back down on his desk.
“She’ll miss you, too.”
“I’m talking about Ryley.”
Evan sighs. I expected them to break up, but I’ve been proven wrong. This is a new side of my brother. He’s heading to basic training with a girlfriend. It’s either a crazy notion and they won’t last, or he’s going to be the biggest pussy-whipped sailor in the Navy.
“I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything,” I tell him without hesitation.
He walks over to me and pulls out his desk drawer. He picks up a white envelope and my heart drops. “If anything happens to me, ever, give this to Ryley.”
“Evan?”
“No, just listen. I know you like her, Nate, but I love her. I’m going to marry her, but if at any time I don’t make it back, you give her this letter and make sure nothing ever happens to her. Make sure she knows that I love her with everything that I am. I need you to promise me that you’ll take care of her.”
“I promise,” I say, taking the letter from his outstretched hand.
I flip the yellowed worn paper between my fingers. It’s fragile from years of being folded. I came over to Ryley’s to give her a letter that I should’ve given her years ago, but sometimes it takes a word to bring back a memory from a time in your life when everything was perfect.
Evan said something the other night that reminded me of this letter. He gave it to me a few days before he left for basic training. He wrote it the night Ryley tried to break-up with him. He wouldn’t let her. I don’t blame him.
“What’s going on?”
I follow her voice to find her standing in the doorway with a laundry basket on her hip. She smiles, reminding me why I love her, but I can’t help thinking that maybe we don’t belong together. My brother loves her and part of me thinks I should step aside, but I know she loves me too.
“Come here,” I say to her. She sets the basket down and walks over to me, holding her hand out for me when she gets close.
Curling up with her on the couch is my favorite thing to do. The quiet, the calm, especially after a crazy day at work, is all that I need. She and EJ give me solid footing and I know what to expect when I get home: Smiles, hugs and lots of laughs. But lately we haven’t been laughing at all.
“What’s that?” she asks, pointing to the envelope resting on my leg. My lips go into a thin line thinking that what I’m about to tell her could be the catalyst for our demise. Sighing, I put my arm around her and kiss her forehead.
“Evan gave this to me a long time ago. I forgot about it until the other day. I was supposed to give this to you if something happened to him. He wrote it the night you tried to break-up with him. He asked me before he left for basic to hold onto it and give it to you in the event something happened to him. I promised I would and I broke that promise... I’m not trying to make up for it now, but think you should probably read it.”
Giving her the letter, I close my hand around hers. I have a sinking feeling that whatever he wrote on that piece of paper when he was eighteen is going to be enough to end us. It’s my fault if that’s the case. I should’ve given it to her years ago.
“I’m meeting your mom for lunch,” I say, standing. Ryley and I have so much to discuss, but I don’t want to be here when she reads what Evan has written. It’s better for me that way. Decisions need to be made that are going to hurt.
Not her...
Not Evan...
They’ll hurt me.
Yesterday at the park, Ryley and I made a mistake when we told EJ that Evan was his dad. We should’ve waited for him to be there with us, but there’s no handbook on how to break the news about something like this. In that moment, we thought we were doing the right thing. In the end, we only hurt Evan and he’s been hurt enough.
I don’t know if I’m man enough to walk away from Ryley. I’m not sure I’m man enough to even try.
“Thanks for meeting me.” Carole stands and offers her cheek, which I kiss lightly. She’s dressed in black slacks and a white button down blouse, civilian clothing. It’s different seeing her during the workday like this. Usually when I visit her at lunchtime she’s in her Navy uniform, sitting behind her desk in the JAG office. Before I can sit down the waitress is at our table handing us menus and taking my drink order. Carole is already nursing a glass of Chardonnay and as much as I’d love a beer, I order water. I have a lot to talk about and need to keep my wits about me.
“I can understand why you didn’t want to meet on base,” Carole says, bringing her glass to her lips. “I’m not sure public is safe either, though.”