The sounds she made were not pleasant.
Rushing to the sink, I dropped her bag, then soaked a couple of paper towels. I moved to her side and wiped her brow with one hand and drew back her hair with the other, trying to keep it out of the way. I yanked the old scrunchie off my wrist I’d picked up somewhere—hey, the silky fabric was less damaging—and tugged the long mass into a loose ponytail.
She flushed then grabbed the towel and wiped her mouth, her dark eyes lasering onto mine. “Why are you in here?”
“Um, you’re sick? I’m helping.”
“You can’t see me this way.”
“Why the hell not? I put that baby in you.”
“Shh, for fuck’s sake.” She reached up to thump me in the general thigh area, but I could only imagine how it looked when the bathroom door swung open, and an older lady shrieked for Jesus.
“It’s not what you think,” I began as Tish jerked to her feet and stumbled over to the sink to wash her hands.
She glanced at the mirror and let out a string of expletives. “What in the fuckity fuck did you do to my hair?”
I stepped forward to poke at the droopy side ponytail. “I got it out of your way, right?”
“With an orange Casper the Ghost scrunchie? If I had my steel-toeds, you’d be in trouble.”
The bathroom door slammed shut behind the horrified woman.
Well, this wedding was off to a rip-roaring start.
I crossed my arms. “You already got your use out of me, now you want to maim me. Typical.”
“What use was that exactly? Your best use is at swinging a hammer, not your dick.” She dragged off the scrunchie and started teasing and fluffing her hair at warp speed. Then she hissed out a breath and tied her hair on top of her head, securing it with the hated scrunchie. “Fuck it. Fuck it sideways.”
A knock sounded at the door approximately sixteen seconds later, then my best friend stuck his head in. If he’d heard Ruby, he didn’t let on, though he did cock a brow at seeing me hanging out in the ladies’ room.
She started wildly spraying something floral.
“It’s not helping,” Caleb informed her.
She ignored him.
“Look, I hope everything’s okay, but my bride is flipping out so I hope one of you is ready to be her maid-of-honor. I don’t care which. She’ll take any friendly face at this point.”
Ruby pointed at me. “Take him. He can play both roles. Leave me in peace. I beg of you.”
“I’ll do it. I’ll stand up for both of you.”
“Oh, stop being so upstanding. It’s seriously annoying.” She nudged me out of the way and marched out, leaving Caleb staring after her. “Teach, let’s go,” she called when he didn’t move.
“She’s a lot.” My buddy scratched his chest. “You sure about that one, brother?”
I grabbed her bag. “Never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“Always knew you were a contrary sort.” He grinned and clapped my arm. “I’m happy for you, man.”
“How much did you hear?”
“Doesn’t matter what I heard. I can see just fine. Lu’s convinced you’ll be married by this time next year. I was sure she was high on marital bliss, but now I think she’s spot-on.”
“She just snarled at me.”
“Right. She also looked at you like she didn’t know if she wanted to climb you like a tree or karate chop your junk. Definite marriage material.”