Grace for Drowning

"I'm sorry to hear that," my father replied, his voice utterly neutral.

"Are you?" Part of me knew it was a bad idea to go down that path. I barely had the energy to keep talking, much less get into an argument. But I was pissed off. I was pissed off at the world for fucking me over. I was pissed off at Logan for his betrayal. And I was pissed off at my parents for waltzing in here and acting like everything was suddenly fine again.

"Just because we didn't agree with your decisions doesn't mean we don't care about your feelings."

"Really? Did you think that maybe kicking me out and cutting me off might hurt my feelings just a little?"

He didn't even have the grace to look guilty. "We were trying to help you. You have to know we've only ever wanted the best for you." The sad part was, I knew he believed that. My parents weren't cruel people, they just had an incredibly narrow perspective of the world. For them, everything fit into neat little boxes, and if something was astray, they'd push until it fit as well.

I closed my eyes momentarily, feeling light headed. My mother spotted a chance to diffuse the situation. "Surely we can put aside our differences for a little while. Right now you need your family."

My family was the last thing I needed, but they weren't going to leave, regardless of what I told them. They had me pinned in place for God knows how long, and they smelled blood. This was their chance to get me back on track.

"Right now, I need to sleep," I replied. I desperately wanted to get rid of them, but it was also the truth. It was frightening how exhausted I felt after just a few minutes of conversation.

"Of course," my mother said. "I've left our numbers on the table there. You call us any time, night or day."

"Thanks."

I wasn't sure I would actually drift off. Everything hurt, inside and out. But the moment I closed my eyes, the blackness rose up around me, familiar and welcoming.

Chapter Twenty Three

Grace

Charlie visited three days later. I think he'd been avoiding me, but he could hardly refuse when I had Joy ask him directly.

He showed up at the door with a bunch of flowers in hand. A gentleman, even at times like these.

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," I said.

He shrugged. "Didn't seem right to show up empty handed."

"Well, they're beautiful."

He set them down on the table and sat down next to the bed. "So, how you feeling?"

"Like hell," I replied.

He laughed. "I'm not surprised."

"The doctors say I'm lucky to be here at all though, so I'll take it, I guess." I tried to make myself sound grateful, but it was hard. The longer I was awake, the more I wished I wasn't. It would have saved me from feeling like this. The pain of Logan's absence only grew worse with each passing day. I kept expecting to wake up and find him perched there beside my bed, lamenting his mistake. I'd have given anything just to see his face, to hear his voice, but the chair remained empty. It was like everything that had happened between us suddenly meant nothing. The hope he'd instilled in me was revealed as a lie. I hated him for that, and I hated myself more for falling for it. Things didn't get better. There wasn't light at the end of the tunnel. I'd known that, but somehow I'd let him convince me otherwise.

"Yeah, you gave us quite a scare," replied Charlie.

"Some more than others, apparently."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He wasn't an idiot, he knew why I'd asked to see him.

"Why hasn't he come?" Despite my best efforts, my voice shook.

Charlie looked away. "Grace, I don't want to get caught in the middle of this."

"Well, I don't want to be trapped in a hospital bed alone with no idea what the hell is going on, but here we are." It came out harsher than I intended, but I couldn't make myself care. Next to me was the only person who might be able to give me some answers. The only real connection to Logan in the whole world. It was so frustrating. I couldn't go to him myself and look him in the eyes and ask him to make me understand. I had to rely on second hand information, pried from the mouths of hesitant friends.

Conflict played across his face. "Logan hasn't said anything to me. He's not exactly a talker at the best of times, and now he's basically shut up shop completely."

"But you know him. Why? Why would he just abandon me?"