“For being you,” I replied with a shrug. “And the best friend a person could ask for.”
“I’m awesome like that,” he said with his trademark smirk, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Before I could reason through that, my mom appeared and ushered us to our tables.
The first and main courses were interrupted several times by guests clinking silverware against their glasses, which meant that Kate and Ryan had to stop what they were doing to kiss. But they didn’t seem to mind. It was a strange tradition, though, and not one I’d thought much about before.
“Did you ever picture yourself doing all this?” I asked Dawson, who was seated beside me and was way more talkative now that we’d come to an understanding. Throughout the first course, we’d reminisced about our childhood and the stupid stuff he and Ryan had done in high school.
“Yeah, maybe. But it was more wishful thinking.” He buttered his roll. “Hoping I would fall for a girl hard enough to want this.”
“Damn, that’s deep,” I said with a frown. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” He placed his hand against his heart. “You helped release this pressure in my chest tonight, so I’m all good—for now.”
“I’m glad,” I said, scooping out a forkful of my baked potato.
I rolled my eyes in Elliot’s direction as the happy couple stood for the umpteenth time and Ryan playfully dipped Kate before he planted one on her. Elliot smiled weakly as if he didn’t know what to make of it either, and I imagined what it might be like if it was the two of us up there. We’d never discussed our futures in quite that way, but I wasn’t sure if this sort of wedding was really my thing. I thought maybe I’d want something more intimate. Besides, I had a hard enough time giving a best-man speech in front of so many people.
Which reminded me. Shit, it was almost time. I swallowed my last bite of roast beef and waited for the deejay to give me the cue that he was turning down the music for this portion of the evening.
When he walked over and handed me the mic, I stood up on shaky legs, and not because of my braces in those too narrow shoes. I was just nervous as fuck.
“You’ll be great,” I heard Dawson say, and when I looked over at Elliot, he was giving me the thumbs-up.
I cleared my throat. “Um, hi. We’ve reached the point in the evening when we all get to watch Ryan squirm in his seat. And not just from the bar tab.” I purposely began my speech with a joke that got a good laugh. Elliot had helped me think of one after looking up speeches online. Then I got to the sappy stuff. “Ryan, you’ve always been an amazing brother and human being, supporting me through all my ups and downs,” I said, and I meant it. He was always there when I needed him, no matter what. Even if we didn’t talk every day or even every week. “You deserve the best. Which is where Kate comes in because she’s pretty incredible and makes you deliriously happy, and I think the two of you will stick together for better or worse. Gag.”
The bride and groom laughed, but Ryan’s eyes had grown a bit misty, and I had to look away before I got too emotional.
I paused, trying to take in the moment as my thoughts swirled like a cyclone. “As a matter of fact, you made me realize I want what you have. I mean, who wouldn’t? Pure, unconditional love with a person who thinks you hung the stars.”
There was a collective murmur from the audience, and I could see my mom clutching her chest in my side view, but I couldn’t look at her right then. Or Elliot. Definitely not Elliot.
“I didn’t realize until recently—and maybe it’s always been there—but I feel exactly like that about someone. That they hit all the right marks, like the perfect score on a test that measures who’s meant only for you.” I chuckled to myself because it was such a nerdy example to use out loud. “It’s crazy how you can wish for something, not realizing it’s been right under your nose all along. It just needed to be presented in a different light, I suppose…”
Whoa, I’d deviated from the script. My hands were shaking, my heart hammering, and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, except somehow trying to profess my feelings in a public venue, which was so unlike me. But I just had to get it out, I guessed. Only I didn’t know if I was brave enough to continue.
Dawson cleared his throat, which was just the distraction I needed. When I looked down at him, he winked and smiled in this knowing way, giving me the courage to forge on.