I squared my shoulders and finally looked in Elliot’s direction, telling myself I could do this, that I wouldn’t regret it. But all I saw were Mom’s and Dad’s shocked expressions and Elliot’s empty seat. My gaze darted to the exit doors just as one shuttered closed.
I stood frozen, not knowing what in the hell to do.
“Morgan?” Ryan asked, leaning over Kate. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to get sidetracked. That was stupid.” I lifted the microphone to my lips again. “Anyway, I love you, big brother. Welcome to the family, Kate. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a sister. Here’s to your happily ever after!”
The audience toasted Ryan and Kate as I stood there in a daze, wondering what in the hell just happened. Kate stood to thank me, and the maid of honor leaned in for the mic since she was up next. Then Ryan pulled me into a tight hug.
“Thank you for that amazing speech. You’re the best brother, and I love you,” he said in my ear. “Now go find him.”
I pulled back. “Huh?”
“The guy you think hung the stars.”
“But what if he doesn’t—”
“I’d bet money he does.” He nudged me away from the table. “Good luck.”
15
Elliot
Holy shit, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t fucking breathe.
I paced around in circles in the lobby until I found a wall to anchor myself against. When that didn’t seem to calm my stomach, I doubled over, feeling nauseated.
“Elliot?” It was Morgan, and I wasn’t sure I could face him. My brain was really fucking with me right then. “Are you all right?”
When I felt his warm fingers on my back, I trembled. “Yeah, just having a little panic attack.”
“Here, sit down,” Morgan said, prodding me toward the nearest couch. I plopped down, but he remained standing. “I’ve never seen you like this. What’s going on?”
“What’s going on?” I said, an edge to my voice. I finally looked at him, saw his widened eyes and nervous expression. “You practiced that speech all week in front of me, and then you threw in a curveball. And it just so happened that I’d been feeling really off watching you and Dawson all cozy during dinner, ever since your talk. As if his apology was enough. And I mean, I know he was your first crush or whatever, but the perfect score, really? I mean, c’mon—”
“He wasn’t my first crush,” Morgan said in a matter-of-fact tone, as if that explained everything.
“Huh?” I was even more irritated that he could make light of this when all the hurt and disappointment crowded in my chest and I could barely hold myself together. I sprang from the couch and started pacing again. “Yeah, okay, what the fuck ever. You were hung up on him, and he finally apologized for how he treated you. And all it takes is for him to turn that charming smile in your direction again, and…I swear to God, if he hurts you! What does it matter if he wasn’t your first crush? You obviously still—”
“Will you shut up already?” Morgan placed his hand over my mouth. “What I’m trying to tell you is that you were my first crush, you big idiot.” I was struck silent, staring at him and wondering if my brain was fucking with me again. “That was what I realized standing up there. That it was you. It’s always been you.”
When he moved his hand and curved his fingers against my waist, I inhaled a sharp breath, still unable to register his words. “What are you saying? I mean, it sure looked and sounded like you figured out you still had a thing for Dawson.”
His forehead wrinkled. “Are you fucking serious right now? Sure, I’m relieved he apologized, but it doesn’t mean I want him. Hell no. The person I want is you, Elliot. All the stuff we’ve been doing—jerking off and kissing and that amazing blowy you gave me the other night—made me realize that if we went back to being just friends, it might kill me. It’s why I’ve been avoiding the topic while hoping I wasn’t the only one. That you were feeling it too.”
“Of course I was feeling it. Why else do you think I just had a meltdown in the lobby of this hotel?”
Morgan’s eyes filled with tears. “Are you saying this is real? What’s happening between us? Because I’m in love with you, and I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t want something more than friends-with-benefits, but I also can’t lose you, so I’ll just have—”
“Now who’s babbling?” I placed my finger against his lips as my heart lodged in my throat. “Fuck, Morgan. I’m in love with you too.” When a tear leaked from the corner of his eye, I kissed his mouth, each of his cheeks, then pulled him against me as my own vision blurred. “You’re my favorite person on the planet, and I want to be with you so fucking much.”