He drew back, panting heavily, like maybe his pulse was as erratic as mine. “Jesus, Kellan, I—”
I gripped his shirt. “Just shut up and kiss me again.”
So he did, this time his hand cradling my jaw so delicately as his mouth devastated mine. Fuck, Donovan knew how to kiss. He flicked out his tongue, and I opened for him, willing. When it swept inside my mouth, I gasped and pulled him against me, wanting more.
I could feel his hard length against my belly as his hands burrowed in my hair and his tongue licked into my mouth, and I couldn’t get close enough. I clutched at the back of his shirt, arched my hips, and when our groins rubbed together, his low moan nearly did me in. To hear the longing and satisfaction in Donovan’s—Brady’s—voice was like my best fantasy realized.
“Whew, look at those two hotties. They might need a room,” someone said as they passed by us, and we pulled apart as reality crashed in.
“Oh my God.” His eyes were wild as he searched behind him, panic setting in. “I forgot we’re out in the open.”
“We’re like those two we made fun of in the courtyard,” I said to try and bring some levity.
And it did the trick because he snickered. “I don’t think they were hating on us though.”
“They might’ve wanted to join in,” I said with a laugh, and he quickly sobered as if everything that just happened was too much. Too overwhelming. And I got that. I really did.
When his gaze sought the exit, I knew the moment was over. “Think I’m gonna take off.”
“Sure, okay,” I replied in an unsteady voice.
He backed away from me, his breathing turning harsh. “Maybe I shouldn’t have… I…I don’t know what I’m saying. I just need to—” Then he turned and practically fled out the door.
Shouldn’t have? I knew he probably only meant because of the team, but why did that sting so much? I took a moment to catch my breath before going back inside.
“What was that?” Jasmine asked when I approached her at the bar. She was alone, so her friend must’ve left.
“Don’t even ask. Let’s go dance.”
We stayed about an hour more, then got a ride home sometime after midnight.
I barely kicked out of my shoes before crashing into bed. I heard my phone hit the floor, so I reached down to pick it up and place it on the nightstand. That was when I noticed the text from Donovan. It had apparently been too loud in the club to hear the alert.
I’m sorry I left like that. My thoughts are all over the place. Truth is…you’re the first guy I’ve ever been attracted to.
I moaned, my stomach feeling all strange.
In life? I texted back.
I figured he was asleep and would get my response in the morning, and I was nearly there as well when my phone buzzed awake.
Yes. That was how I finally knew for sure…about my sexuality. But knowing and doing are two completely different things.
My fingers flew across the keys. You’re saying you’ve never been with a guy before?
No…but I’d like to. Okay, my stomach is going all crazy just admitting that. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here, freaking out.
Holy shit, I wished I’d considered all that before I got so swept up in him tonight. He was just so sweet and hot, and he kissed like a dream, and now my stomach was going all crazy too. I’d guessed he was experimenting or something, but I obviously didn’t know the extent of his experience, or lack thereof. I only knew that my spidey sense was on point.
Quick as a flash, my thoughts soured. I couldn’t be yet another jock’s test case.
I pushed that aside and went for humor even though my fingers were all trembly as I typed. No freaking out. It’s all cool. But wow, if I’d known I’d be your first guy kiss, I would’ve prepared better.
No, it was perfect.
My chest felt all fluttery. It was, wasn’t it?
Uh-huh. And I wish we could…I don’t really know. I’m figuring stuff out, getting my legs under me for the first time. Does that make sense?
It absolutely did. Working through being gay was trippy those first few weeks, months… Like: What am I ready to say and do? Who should know this about me?
Totally. You take all the time you need, okay? It’s your truth to own, nobody else’s. I’ll always be here for you.
Besides, my dad would kill me.
13
Brady
“What’s that stamp?” Hollister asked around a spoonful of cereal.
I tried not to freak out as I looked down and realized that despite showering, I still had a shadow of the club logo on my hand. Neon. “Nothing…I, uh…” I moved my arm toward my backpack and pretended to adjust it on my shoulder.