Ever since he’d kissed Lynn two years ago, all he thought about was girls. I just didn’t get it. Sure, they were pretty, they were cool. I liked hanging out with them, and talking with them, and I knew I was supposed to want to kiss them, but I didn’t, and I wasn’t sure what to do with that.
On the other hand…guys? Hot. I’d been noticing them more and more, little things here and there, like how much I liked the deeper sound of their voice, and oh, what did you know, hairy forearms were totally hot. Don’t ask me why that was my thing, but it was, and Caden’s forearms were the best. Everything about him was.
I tried not to think about him that way, though. He was my bro, my best friend, my ride or die. If he discovered that I wanted to trace my hands up his arms and maybe see what his mouth tasted like, I was afraid I’d lose him. No, scratch that. I wouldn’t ever lose Caden. We were too close, and he wasn’t the kind of guy who would bail on me because I was gay, but it would change things. I knew he would never feel the same, and honestly, his dad was kind of a dick and would likely have a problem with it.
“You ready?” Caden asked, bursting through my bedroom door without knocking.
“What if I’d been naked?” I teased.
“Then I would have seen your ugly, hairy ass,” he joked back. “Nothing I haven’t seen in the locker room. Scares the shit out of me every time, but it is what it is.”
I threw a pillow at his face, which he immediately caught. “My ass isn’t hairy.” And it wasn’t yet, but I’d watched gay porn when I was trying to prove myself wrong about what I already knew—that I liked guys—and there was this one hairy dude, and it was pretty hot.
“Let’s go. I don’t want to be late for this party. Abby is going to be there. She totally wants me. I told her to bring Liz for you. We can like, do a double thing.”
Caden was always trying to find a girl for me. Whoever he hooked up with or dated, he made sure it was someone with a close girlfriend who liked me. It was nice and all, him wanting to keep me in the loop, but it made things pretty damn hard since I’d finally acknowledged to myself I wasn’t straight.
Now, if I could find a way to tell him…or anyone else. I wasn’t sure I wanted to share this with anyone until I graduated, but I knew I would tell Caden sooner rather than later.
Tonight we were going to Bentley’s, a guy we were friends with even though we played football for different teams and he lived a couple of towns over. His family owned several acres of land on the outskirts of town, and since his parents were away, Bentley was having a party and invited us over. Said we’d have a bonfire and everything.
I drove. Caden had his license too, but he didn’t have his own car. His dad was more strict about things.
It took us forty-five minutes to get to Bentley’s, and there were already some fifty people there when we arrived.
“Let’s find Abby and Liz!” Caden shouted over the music playing through the large, two-story farmhouse.
“I’m actually going to find Bentley!” I mean, he’d invited us and all, so we should probably say thank you.
Caden frowned. “Okay!” He had his hand on my lower back, his mouth close to my ear. I trembled. Stop. Stop it! He’s my best friend. “Find me soon, though. I wanna chill with you.”
“Bet!” I replied.
We bumped fists, then went our separate ways. The thing was, I was getting tired of kissing girls, and I didn’t think it was all that fair to them either. Plus, Bentley was cool. He was really funny, loved football like us, and…well, he wasn’t so bad to look at either.
I found Bentley by the bonfire in the backyard.
“Hey, man! What’s up?” he said when he saw me. We knocked our knuckles together the same way Caden and I had.
“Thanks for inviting me!”
“Thanks for coming. Where’s your shadow? You guys are like, attached at the hip or some shit.”
I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t the first time I heard that, and I doubted it would be the last. “He’s looking for Abby. We do our own thing.”
Something…I couldn’t tell what it was, but something unfamiliar flashed in Bentley’s hazel eyes. “Cool. The two of us can be attached at the hip tonight, then,” he said, and my whole body flushed. It was embarrassing, but the way he said that, coupled with his intense stare, made me start to pop wood.
“I need a drink!”