“Okay,” she drawled, a bit unsure. “What does that entail?”
“Honest communication.”
Willow wrinkled up her nose. “Ew.”
Ethan shot her a dry look, but the left corner of his mouth tried to tug upward.
Willow flashed him a little smile, feeling accomplished. “Just kidding. Proceed with your adulting.”
“It may not be the most fun we’ve ever had in bed, but maybe we… I don’t know, try out different things, see what triggers you? That way you can work through it when I don’t have a hard on and expectation of a willing partner.”
“I’d be down for that.” She nodded.
“Maybe it would be less jarring if I went in prepared. But please, if it happens during real sex, please stop me. Even if you want to keep going, we’ll take a minute to regroup, change the pace, give your body or your mind a chance to catch up. I refuse to believe you have to suffer. If that’s the case, I’ll just have to be more careful not to trigger you. That should’ve been a no-brainer, I shouldn’t have—but I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean to…”
Willow rested her chest against his face and hugged him. “I know. We’ll figure it out.”
She felt him nod, his chin lightly brushing the top of her head.
“Can I ask you someth
ing?”
He sounded serious, so she was dreading it even as she said, “Of course.”
“Is it just me? I know I said I didn’t want to ask about it, but… did this ever happen with Brian, or do you only have these episodes with me?”
It wasn’t one of the questions she’d braced for, so she sagged in relief. “I never slept with Brian. There’s never been anyone but you.”
Frankly, indulging a somewhat girly thought, she hoped there never would be.
“Really?” he asked, brow furrowing in confusion.
“Scout’s honor,” she answered lightly, flashing him three fingers.
“That’s… surprising.”
“Is it?” Her brows furrowed and she studied his gaze, a little confused that he seemed less pleased than she expected.
“Why?” he asked.
Her scowl deepened along with her confusion. “What do you mean, why? Because I didn’t want to? If you haven’t noticed, I have a pretty strong sense of loyalty; if I would’ve slept with Brian, that would’ve meant I was done with you.”
He was giving her that look again, the almost contrite one she’d come to mentally refer to as the you’re so young look.
Pointing a finger firmly in his face, she said, “Don’t do that.”
“I didn’t say a word.”
“Your expressive, handsome mug said plenty.”
“You’ve never been with anyone but me,” he stated, as if she hadn’t just said that.
“I haven’t had any complaints so far,” she pointed out, eyebrows lifting pointedly. “I’m going to be honest, since you got jealous of me buying candy with another guy, I thought you might be a little pleased that I wasn’t out banging them. I sort of imagined how it would come up, envisioned the conversation, and this—this isn’t how it went.”
“I just….” Ethan sighed, raking a hand through his raven locks. “I don’t want you to wake up one day with regrets. I don’t want you to feel like you wasted this time in your life on me instead of having all the experiences people your age usually have.”
“Why would I have regrets? Why would I feel that way? That doesn’t…” She stopped, the realization of what he must be thinking hurtling into her mind so hard and so fast that she gasped. “When it’s over. Because you think this could only possibly end, probably… when Amanda forgives you and wants to be your wife again.”