As it should’ve with an accusation like that being thrown out, Ethan’s guard rose. “Hey, I didn’t say that…”
“Your face did.”
“My face is pretty talkative today,” he shot back. “That isn’t what I’m saying. I’m just worried… all these opportunities are coming up and I don’t want you choosing me over a bunch of different things…”
Nodding her head, she finished, “In case this doesn’t work out.”
Heaving a sigh and roughly rubbing his face with both hands, Ethan said, “Can we please not have this conversation right now?”
Throwing back the blankets, she pushed her legs off the side of the bed and stood, grabbing her clothing off the floor. “I wouldn’t call random college dicks missed opportunities anyway.”
“Willow… I’m not just talking about that. New York?”
“I haven’t made a decision about New York yet.” Violently tugging her black pants up and buttoning them, she went on, “And when I do, it won’t be all about you. And if our relationship does end, I’m not going to regret any of my choices, because I’m going to be true to what I want. I’m not an idiot, I know what kind of opportunity this is and I know it seems like a no-brainer. But I get to decide what holds the most value in my life. And if it’s you, don’t treat me like I’m some dumb kid for the choice I made. I’m not going to make some half-baked decision about my future—and if I did, you know what, that’s my responsibility anyway, not yours, so don’t worry about it.”
Ethan hauled his legs over the bed, but he looked tired. “Don’t go.”
“Answer this one question for me.” She paused, shirt in hand, and met his gaze.
His face was already dripping with tired resignation, since there was no way that lead-in was heading toward anything good.
“If Amanda called you right now, right this very second,” she said, her gaze jerking toward his phone and then back to him, “if she said she wanted you to come back, she wanted to work through things, she’d finally been given enough time or space or whatever-the-fuck—she was finally ready to take you back… you’d leave me in a minute, wouldn’t you?”
Eyes darkening, he shook his head. “Don’t say it like that.”
“But you would,” she said, quietly, without hope.
Dropping his head into his hands, he murmured, “Please get back in bed.”
She shook her head, pulling the shirt on and turning away as she buttoned it.
Ethan stood and followed her. “Willow, I don’t know what I would do in that scenario. I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t. But it wouldn’t be that easy, I wouldn’t just…. You’re not some disposable placeholder; I care about you, I…”
She braced herself, tried not to hope “love” would follow, but it seemed like the time to say it if that’s how he felt. Say it, she thought. Tell me you love me.
But he didn’t finish the sentence, and the words he didn’t say felt like a fist to Willow’s gut.
For a minute there was a charged silence, heavy with the guilt of unmet expectations. So accustomed was he to Willow playing things off and keeping her cool, when Ethan finally looked at her and saw tears swimming in her narrowed gray eyes, he felt momentarily stunned. Then his stomach dropped as she nodded, dipping to yank her purse off the floor.
Sighing, he attempted to reach out physically, since he wasn’t ready to make the emotional reach. “Hey, come on. I didn’t… why don’t you just come back to bed, please? Can’t we just—”
“No,” she interrupted, shaking her head mildly, but the cool anger in her glistening eyes contradicted her tone. “Not this time.”
His blue eyes begged her to stay—but for probably the first time, it wasn’t hard to deny him. She fished around in her purse for her keys, preparing to head for the door.
He stood before her, all sad and disappointed. “Don’t go, Willow. Not like this.”
Smiling a sad, cynical little smile, she said, “I wish I had a reason to stay.”
"Hey, come here," he said, lightly grabbing her side and trying to tug her closer.
"Stop."
There was no hesitation or indecisiveness in her tone, just steely, fed-the-fuck-up resolve.
Ethan froze, then let out a breath. "That's not fair, Willow. You know I have to stop when you—"
"That's why I said it," she stated, her eyes drifting toward the floor. "I'm not doing this anymore."