The nurse smiled and led Julie through the doors as if Julie's whole world wasn't crashing down around her.
Honestly, she hadn't realized how much she had her heart set on that baby until she saw the blood on the toilet paper—she felt as if someone had socked her right in the stomach and she still felt short of breath, like she should be doubled over.
All she could think was, This is all my fault. I'm being punished for sleeping with Matt in the first place. I'm a terrible person and now I'm going to lose my baby.
"Can I have you step on the scale please?" the nurse asked.
Julie nodded and stepped on the scale, absently looking at the numbers while the nurse jotted the number down.
What irony.
She had finally gained two pounds.
"Thank you," the nurse chirped, then she moved over and said, "Now I'm going to take your blood pressure, and then we're going to put you in a bed and the doctor will be right with you."
Julie sat there with a vacant stare as the nurse took her blood pressure, and she wondered vaguely why any of it mattered.
She didn't give a damn what she weighed or what her blood pressure was, she just wanted a damn doctor to come in and tell her if her baby was okay or if she was miscarrying.
If that didn't happen soon, she was going to start crying again and she would probably end up yelling at the poor nurse because Julie was finding her chirpy attitude a little bit annoying.
The nurse finally left them alone, and Julie was relieved not to have such a happy person in the room.
But as soon as the small amount of relief was gone, her awful sensation of worry and guilt came back.
A mirthless smile curved Julie's lips upward just a little, and she said, "Can you imagine how relieved they're going to be? Off the hook and didn't even have to pay for it."
"Stop talking like you already miscarried," Aaron said gently. "It could be any number of things, Julie. And don't think about them—they're bad people, not you, and they were able to have a kid."
"I don't want to lose it, but I don't want to tell myself everything will be okay and then have the doctor tell me I already lost it," she said.
Aaron looked conflicted, and then he confessed, "I really want to make you feel better, but I don't know what to do. I feel very helpless right now."
"Can I have another hug?" she requested.
Nodding, Aaron walked over to the bed and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back as she leaned into his shoulder, numbly looking at the ground.
There were no tears, which was a minor relief. She felt like her whole being was encased in some sort of bubble just then, and she thought perhaps shock was setting in, numbing her to everything.
The doctor came in then, a slight smile on his face as Aaron released Julie and backed up. The doctor then greeted Julie and Aaron, consulting the clipboard.
"So, Julie, tell me what's going on," the doctor said, pen poised above the clipboard.
"Well… I'm pregnant, and when I got home from work today I was going to eat a bowl of cereal, but I went to the bathroom first and… I was bleeding."
He nodded. "Are you experiencing any abdominal pain or cramping?"
"No," she said, shaking her head.
"Okay," he said, scribbling on the clipboard. "And I don't have any information here on your pregnancy, so you're going to have to fill me in. How far along are you?"
"I'm… not sure, a few weeks? Maybe seven or eight?" she said, shrugging.
He nodded. "And was this the first time you've experienced bleeding in your pregnancy?"
"Yes," she said quietly.
"And you didn't experience any sort of trauma prior to the bleeding?"