“Oh, yeah.” She sat up and removed a blond hair from his shoulder. “There was one Christmas Eve dinner when I asked the CEO of one of the banks how his new baby was doing.”
“He didn’t have a new baby?”
“No, but he’d recently borrowed someone else’s wife. It was a big scandal. My mother had instructed us absolutely not to touch the subject of his social
life. We were supposed to keep the conversation focused on his charitable interests.”
He imagined her getting it wrong, stumbling over the awkward moment when she’d suddenly realized her mistake.
“So if you had to write to Santa now, what would you say to him?”
“Be careful not to get stuck in the chimney.”
He laughed. “That’s all?”
“Santa doesn’t bring the things that are really important in life.”
“Like what?”
“Friendship. Love.”
It was a testament to her resilience that she still wanted that. “That would be top of your list? After everything that happened with Richard?”
“What I had with Richard wasn’t love, but even if it had been and my heart had been shattered into a million tiny pieces, I would still never give up on love. It’s too important. In the end, love is the only thing that matters.”
Alec stared at her fingers, which were now entwined with his. “Even when love causes pain?”
“You only feel that way because you had a bad experience, but what you had wasn’t love, either. You weren’t in love with Selina, and I don’t believe she was in love with you. It isn’t love if you feel you have to chain someone to you. And it isn’t love if you want them to change, or be different, or give up everything they love. You fall in love with the whole person, so why would you want to change that? Take you for example—” she tightened her fingers on his “—you have an adventurous nature, but you’re also academic so it’s obvious you’re going to want to spend time doing that. It’s who you are. Take that away, and you’d be just as miserable as I am when I can’t do what I love.”
She was right that he’d been miserable.
“We made each other miserable.” He hesitated, wanting to share as much as he could so that she understood. He needed her to understand. Needed her to understand that this was something he wasn’t good at. “Her parents divorced when she was young and it left her with a chronic insecurity. When I wasn’t with her, she wanted to know where I was and who I was with—not easy in a job like mine where I might be away filming for weeks. She wanted us to be together every moment of the day, but even when we were together we weren’t happy.”
“You’ve never told me how you met her.”
“We were at a charity event and happened to leave at the same time. I was about to get into my taxi when someone knocked her over and stole her purse.”
“So you were all dressed up in your tux, looking hot and sexy and you rescued her. You caught him? Of course you did.” She didn’t wait for his answer. “So you rescued her and then you took her home, and she wanted you to come up so that she could thank you properly but you said no, because you didn’t want to take advantage of someone vulnerable. And that just about nailed it for her.”
“How do you know that?”
“It was just a guess.” She lifted her hand and touched his cheek. “You rescued her. You did the chivalrous thing.”
“I did what anyone would have done.”
“No. You did what you would have done. And I bet she loved being rescued, didn’t she? And that set the pattern for your relationship. It’s no wonder it didn’t work, Alec. How could it? You weren’t equals.”
“Don’t do that.” There was a bitter taste in his mouth. It was so tempting to let her think that way, to bask momentarily in the warmth of her approval. But then what? That wasn’t honest, was it? “Don’t turn me into some sort of hero because that’s what she did and it didn’t take her long to find out how wrong she was and she’s still dealing with the disillusionment. I don’t want our relationship to be that way.”
“It isn’t. I don’t think you’re a hero. I do think you’re a decent man, despite your attempts to persuade me otherwise. Why did she hate you going away? She was afraid you’d have an affair?”
“Yes, but in the end she was the one who did that.” It was something he’d never discussed with anyone, although his mother had guessed. When Sky made no comment, he glanced at her. “You don’t seem surprised.”
“When we were staying with your parents you said something about not everyone waiting until a relationship had ended to start another. You wouldn’t have had an affair, so I guessed it was her.”
“I walked in on them. She staged it that way. She wanted to make me jealous.” He thought about that night. About the emotions that had flowed through him. “Why are you so sure I wouldn’t have had one?”
“Because that’s not your style. You’re straight and honest. And you’re an adult. If a relationship wasn’t working for you anymore, you’d say so. You’re strong enough to say and do the decent thing.”