Casper shifted above her, fire and heat flickering in his molten dark eyes as his satisfied gaze swept her flushed cheeks. ‘I’ve never wanted a woman as much as I want you.’
Heart thudding, Holly gazed up at him. ‘I love you.’ The confession was torn from her in that moment of vulnerability, and she wrapped her arms round him and buried her face in his neck, breathing in the scent of virile male. ‘I love you, Cas. I love you.’
And it was true, she realised helplessly. She did love him.
He was complicated, and he’d hurt her, but somewhere along the way she’d stopped trying to make their relationship work for the sake of the baby, and had started to fall in love.
Or perhaps it had always been there. From that first moment they’d met at the rugby match. Certainly there’d been something. How else could you explain the fact that she’d shared an intimacy with him she’d never shared with any other man?
Shocked by her own revelation, it took her a moment to realise that Casper had made no response.
He hadn’t spoken and he h
adn’t moved.
It was as if her words had turned him to stone.
And then he rolled out of the affectionate circle of her arms and onto his back.
The honesty of her confession somehow made his sudden withdrawal all the more shocking. Wracked by a sense of isolation and rejection, Holly instinctively snuggled against him, but his tension was unmistakeable.
‘Don’t ever say that to me, Holly. Don’t ever confuse great sex with love.’
‘I’m not confused. I know what I feel. And I don’t expect you to say it back, but that doesn’t mean I can’t say it to you.’ Tentatively, she slid her arm over the flat, muscular plains of his stomach. ‘I love you. And you don’t have to be afraid of that.’
He muttered something under his breath and then shook her off and sprang off of bed. ‘“I love you” has to be the most overused phrase in the English language. So overused that it’s lost its meaning.’
Holly crumpled as she watched her gift devalued in a single stroke. ‘It hasn’t lost its meaning to me.’
‘No?’ His eyes hard, he thrust his arms into a robe. ‘Usually when people say “I love you” they mean something else. They mean, “you’re great in bed”, or perhaps, “I love the fact that you’re rich and you can show me a good time”. For you it’s probably, “I love the fact that you were prepared to take on my baby”.’
Holly flinched as though he’d slapped her. ‘How can you say that?’ Her voice cracked. ‘Even after this time we’ve spent together, you still don’t know me, do you? I’m trying to do what’s best for our child, and you’re being needlessly cruel—’
‘Honest.’
‘I’ve never said those words to anyone in my life before, and you just threw them back in my face.’ The breath trapped in her throat, she watched him. ‘Just so that there is no misunderstanding, let me tell you what “I love you” means to me. It means that I care more about your happiness than my own. And I care all the time, not just when we’re having great sex. “I love you” means ignoring the pain you inflict every time you accuse me of lying, because I know you’ve been hurt yourself even though you won’t talk to me about it. It means being patient and trying to accept that you find it hard to share your thoughts and feelings with me. And it’s because I love you that I’m still standing here, swallowing my pride and trying to make this work, even when you hurt me on purpose.’
There was a long, deathly silence and then he lifted his hands, pressed his fingers to his temples and inhaled deeply. ‘If that’s really what you feel, then I’m sorry,’ he said hoarsely, and his voice was strangely thickened. ‘I can’t give you anything back. I don’t have that capacity any more.’
Without waiting for her response, he strode out of the bedroom, leaving her alone.
CHAPTER EIGHT
AS THE door slammed shut between them, Holly flopped back onto the pillows, emotionally shattered.
How had such a perfect evening ended so badly?
Why should her simple declaration of love have had such a dramatic effect on his mood?
She thought back to his dismissive comments about fairy stories, love and happy endings.
Yes, he’d lost his fiancée, but even extreme grief shouldn’t lead to that degree of cynicism should it?
And what had he meant when he said he couldn’t love?
Was he saying that he believed a person could only love once in their lives?
Was that what was going on in his head?