Or was he saying that he couldn’t love her?
Frustrated and desperately upset, Holly slipped out of bed, slipped her arms into a silk robe and walked across the bedroom. She stood for a moment with her hand on the door, wanting to follow him and yet afraid of further rejection.
Her hand dropped to her side and she stared at the door, her head a whirlpool of indecision.
She wanted him to talk, and yet she was afraid of hearing what he had to say.
She didn’t want to hear that loving and losing another woman had prevented him ever loving again.
Because that would mean that there was no hope for them.
And yet not talking about it wasn’t going to change things, was it?
Hoping she was doing the right thing, Holly slowly opened the door, realising that she had no idea where he’d gone.
What if he’d left the palazzo?
And then she saw a chink of light under the door to the library that they’d been shown when they’d arrived earlier.
Taking a deep breath, she tapped lightly on the door and opened it.
Casper stood with his back to her, staring out of the window.
Holly closed the door carefully. ‘Please don’t walk away from me,’ she said quietly. ‘If we need to have a difficult conversation, then let’s have it. But don’t avoid it. We don’t stand any chance if you don’t talk to me.’ She knew from the sudden tension in his shoulders that he’d heard her, but it seemed like ages before he responded.
‘I can’t give you what you want, Holly. Love wasn’t part of our deal.’
‘Stop talking about it as a deal!’ She stared at his back helplessly. ‘Could you please at least look at me? This is hard enough without being able to see your face.’
He turned and she froze in shock, because his handsome face looked as though it had been chiselled from white marble. His eyes were blank of expression and yet the depth of his pain was evident in the very stillness of his body.
‘Talk to me, Cas.’ Forgetting her own misery, she walked across to him. ‘Why can’t you love? Is it because you lost Antonia? Is that it? Is this still about your grief?’ And then she saw something in his face—a hardness—and everything fell into place. His comments. His beliefs. His cynicism. Suddenly she just knew. ‘Oh God—she did something dreadful to you, didn’t she?’
‘Holly—’
Ignoring his warning tone, she slid her hand into his larger one. ‘All this time I’ve been assuming you were madly in love with her, and perhaps you were once.’ Her eyes were on his rigid profile. ‘But she let you down, didn’t she? That’s the reason you were so cynical about my motives. That’s the reason you say you can’t love. You don’t want to let yourself love. Because you loved once before and she hurt you so badly. She did something, I know she did. Tell me about it.’
‘Holly.’ His voice thickened, and he turned on her. ‘Just leave it.’
‘No, I won’t leave it.’ She tightened her grip on his hand, refusing to let him withdraw. ‘I want to know. I deserve to know.’ Tears clogged her throat. ‘What did she do?’
A muscle worked in his lean jaw, and he stared at her, his eyes empty of emotion. ‘She was sleeping with my brother.’
His revelation was so unexpected that Holly just stared at him. ‘Oh, dear God.’
He gave a twisted smile and looked at her, his eyes strangely blank of emotion. ‘Shall I tell you what Antonia meant when she said “I love you”? She meant that she loved the glitter and glamour of royal life. All the high-profile stuff. Only in those days I was working flat out in a commercial role. I didn’t do many public engagements. I never expected to be the ruling prince. I didn’t even want it. But Antonia did. For her, “I love you” meant “I love what you can do for my lifestyle”, and once she found someone who could do more for her she transferred her “love” to them. The life my brother offered her was just too tempting.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t be. I was naïve.’ He removed his hand from hers. ‘I was young enough and arrogant enough not to question her notion of love. I thought she cared about me and that what we shared was real.’
‘The accident.’
Casper drew in a breath. ‘We were on a skiing trip, Antonia and I. My brother joined us unexpectedly, and that was when I realised what was going on. Stupidly I confronted both of them, right there, at the top of the mountain where the helicopter had dropped us. My brother skied off and she followed.’ He was silent for a moment. ‘I went after them
but I was quite a way behind. They caught the full force of the avalanche. There was nothing I could do. I was swept into a tree and knocked unconscious.’
‘Did you tell anyone?’ Her voice was soft. ‘When you recovered, did you tell anyone the truth?’