If I Let You Go

Again, Dominic glanced at me, and I shook my head. If he wanted the move, he could be the one to tell her the truth. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t mentioned that I wasn’t going with them. He probably thought Tilly could fill in the blanks, which of course, she couldn’t. Not at five years old.

Dominic reached across the table for Tilly’s hand. “Madison isn’t coming with us.”

Her face changed from determined, to confused. “But … she comes everywhere with us. She’s been on holiday with us, and she always comes when we go bowling, or skating or to the cinema. Why can’t she come to New York?”

“Because it’s too far. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask her to move so far away for us.”

Madison switched her gaze to me. “Don’t you want to look after me anymore?”

Her lower lip trembled, her eyes filling with tears. How much more uncomfortable was this going to get? If I told her I didn’t want to, I’d be lying. If I told her I wanted to keep taking care of her, she’d get more upset with Dominic for not asking me to go with them.

“Of course I want to,” I said, resting my coffee on the counter and sitting down beside her again. “But I can’t.”

“Then I’m not going,” she said, letting go of Dominic’s hand. “I want to stay with Madison.”

Tilly crossed her arms as if her words settled the matter, but I rested my hand gently on her cheek. “You can’t stay with me, but I’ll still talk to you all the time, and I can visit and-”

“No!” she shouted, pushing me away. “I’m not going!”

Her chair scraped violently along the floor and she stomped out of the kitchen to her bedroom where she slammed the door hard enough to wake everyone in the building.

“Well that could have gone better,” I said.

“I knew letting her talk wouldn’t help. She’s too young to understand why we have to move, and you telling her she could have a say only made her think she could change my mind.”

I bit back my retort, choosing instead to get my coffee. The conversation wasn’t supposed to change Dominic’s mind, it was supposed to reassure Tilly that, regardless of the outcome, her feelings were being heard.

“Does she hate me?” he asked. Something in his eyes told me he felt defeated, and hearing his daughter say she’d rather stay with the child minder had to be painful.

“Dominic, this isn’t going to be easy.” I told him. “You haven’t given her nearly enough time to get to grips with all this, so yeah, she’ll be difficult. She’ll fight you, she’ll hate you, she’ll do anything she can to make you stay. You need to listen to her. You can’t just tell her how things are, and expect her not to challenge you.”

“So your solution is to let her walk all over me?”

“No. I’m just saying that you need to be more understanding. You’ve had forever to plan for this, and she only has a few weeks. Let her cool down for a while, then try again. Take her out like you planned, somewhere she’ll be less angry, and really listen to her.”

Maybe you’ll see that you don’t need to move away at all.

“Are you coming with us?”

“Actually,” I said, with a sigh, “I could really do with a break. I think I’ll just go back to Erica’s as planned.”

As much as I wanted to be there for them both, I equally needed some space. Being in such close proximity to him after our fight and impromptu shag still made me uneasy.

“Okay,” he answered. “I’ll try to keep Tilly away from the phone tonight so you don’t have to come back so soon.”

“Thanks,” I said, with a small laugh. “But I can come back if you need me.”

“We’ll be fine, but thanks, Madison.”

Before an uncomfortable silence could fill the kitchen, I picked up my coffee and went back to my room to get ready for the rest of my Hartley-free day.

Chapter 4

“Oh my bloody God! You had actual sex with him?”

Considering Erica thought I’d been sleeping with Dominic for years, her surprise amused me. I’d fluctuated back and forth about telling her all day. As far as I was concerned, the less I thought about it the better, but it seemed like a disservice to our friendship not to reveal such an epic mistake. I waited until we’d ordered a takeaway, and were halfway through our first bottle of wine to let it all come out which may not have been a smart move. Her shock had resulted in her waving her cutlery like a maniac, and showering me with fried rice.

“Yes,” I confirmed. “Actual sex.”