If I Let You Go

He stopped,

glancing over his shoulder at me.

“I never doubted how much you love Tilly,” I told him. “Not once.”

He smiled, his eyes sparkling with gratitude. “Goodnight Madison.”

“Goodnight.”

The night was long and restless. I must have slept at some point, but for the most part, I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable. Even though I was exhausted, my mind wouldn’t let me rest. It kept spewing up little bits of the argument I’d had with Dominic, interspersed with flashes of me tearing at his clothes and him kissing me.

I was glad when morning arrived.

On a normal day, I’d have slung my dressing gown over my pyjamas to go to the kitchen, but it was far from a normal day, so I got dressed in my jeans and a blue halter neck, and pulled my light brown hair into a loose ponytail that hung over my shoulder before going to get breakfast.

Dominic and Tilly were chatting at the kitchen table. Well, Dominic was talking. Tilly answered half-heartedly while pretending to be busy eating her Coco Pops but she brightened when she saw me.

“Maddi!”

“Good morning, Tilly.”

She was the only person in the world who I allowed to shorten my name. As a rule, I made it a point to correct anyone who attempted to call me “Maddi.” I always thought it made me sound … well … mad.

I flicked the kettle on on my way to the table, then sat down beside Tilly, who had a chocolate milk moustache. I shook my head in amusement and glanced over at Dominic who gave me a slightly awkward smile.

“Hi,” I said. “Did you sleep well?”

“Not really. You?”

“Same.”

“Daddy. I don’t want to move to New York.”

It was as if she’d been waiting for me to get up so she could get this discussion moving. Usually, if there was something upsetting Tilly, she’d never be the first to bring it up, preferring to hope it would go away on its own. The fact that she’d been the one to kick things off meant she was way more troubled by the move than I thought.

“Finish your breakfast, sweetheart,” Dominic said. “We’re going to talk about that later.”

“I don’t want to wait until later.”

Determination filled her eyes. I would have been proud of her if I wasn’t so anxious about where this was leading.

“I thought we could go to the zoo at Battersea first. Then out to lunch.”

Tilly shook her head, her blonde hair flapping across her face. “No zoo. I want to talk now.”

Dominic gave me a look that was somewhere between, ‘Help me,’ and ‘Did you teach my daughter this attitude?’

For the record, I only taught her to stand up for things that were important to her, and not leaving London definitely fell into that category.

“Maybe we should do this now,” I suggested. “Get it over with, then we can go out and do something fun.”

“Okay,” Dominic said. “What did you want to say, Tilly?”

While she began to explain, I quietly stepped away to make myself a coffee. I needed it badly after the night I’d had, and I felt less in the way once I’d left the table.

“I don’t think we should go to New York because … well … it’s very far away and I don’t know anyone who lives there. What about my friends? I won’t be able to see Lucy and Ava and Lily anymore. And when we go, Madison won’t be able to see Erica.”

I froze, mid stir.