Nobody Knows (Razes Hell 1)

“Yes. It wasn’t too long after we met. I asked if you remembered your mum. You told me the thing you remembered the most was how your mum and dad always held hands when they watched TV together, and they never left for work without a goodbye hug and kiss. And that your mum left gifts around the house to surprise your dad.”

Drew nodded, his eyes glistening. “Yeah. I remember.”

“Your mum wasn’t around your whole life, but you learned what’s important from her. And if you hadn’t, if you’d lost your mum sooner… Lisa was wrong.”

I dropped my hands from his face, hoping at least a small fraction of what I’d said would sink in.

“So… I’m doing this boyfriend thing right?”

“Yes. You’re doing it right.”

I placed my hand on his. He was shaking, both from the cold and the emotion. I wasn’t doing any better myself, and if we stayed where we were too much longer, we’d end up frozen in place forever as a morbid statue.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you and Jason together.”

Drew’s fingers tightened around mine. “Don’t be. I’m in no rush to do it again, but I understand why you did it. Being stuck in the middle can’t be much fun.”

“It’s not.”

He brushed his hand gently across my cheek. “Thank you. For putting up with both of us for so long. Jason was right about one thing last night. We’re lucky to have you.”

Closing my eyes, I turned my head and planted a kiss on the palm of his hand. “I think I’m pretty lucky, too.”

The journey home was long, and would probably have felt longer if tiredness hadn’t taken me. I slept for three and half hours of the five hour drive, and the time I was awake, Drew and I sat in a comfortable silence, holding hands, neither of us needing to fill the quiet with pointless chatter. When we hit the Devon/Cornwall border, I used my phone to check if Derek had made the statement to clear my name. He made it shortly after we left the hotel, and the results weren’t so bad. Opinions were split, with some saying Derek was lying for me, and others defending me, saying a private argument should never have been in the news in the first place. Having some support, even from strangers, helped my mood a little and I sent Derek a text to thank him for giving it a shot. Also on the way home, I called my mum to tell her Drew and I wouldn’t be joining the family for dinner. The last thing we needed was Drew and Jason in a confined space again. However, she insisted we at least show up for a quick bite to eat so I reluctantly agreed, though I wanted nothing more than to have a quiet night with Drew.

When we arrived at my flat, Drew dumped our stuff by the door. “Do you mind if I have a shower?”

He had that sleepy-eyed, it’s-been-a -long-day-and-I-need-to-wake-myself-up-again look. What he really needed was a good night’s sleep and a break from thinking.

“Help yourself. I’m gonna mess around in my workroom for a while. Come and get me when you’re done.”

“Okay.” He kissed me on the cheek, picked up his bag and headed for the bathroom.

Letting out a long held in sigh, I went into my studio, and collapsed onto the stool beside the potter’s wheel. I felt pretty groggy myself, and I needed time alone to process everything that had happened. As my brain regurgitated the events of the day, my hands picked up the huge bowl beside me, and my feet led me to the kitchen to fill it up.

I hope Jason’s okay.

He’d given Drew a hard time, throwing out as many words to hurt him as he could muster. Underneath, his own sadness had begun to shine through. Drew hurt him right back, and I hadn’t seen Jason so down in years. I wanted to call him, but if he wasn’t home yet, it would be hard for him to talk. If he was, he might be with his dad. I didn’t want to interrupt. No. I’d wait for him to call me, like he said.

My thoughts switched back to Drew, where they’d been even as I slept in the car. My dreams took me back to childhood. In my dream I saw his mum clearly. Honestly, I was never sure if I remembered her myself, or from photos I’d seen in the Brooks’ house. Either way, she really did have the most beautiful smile. Short, dark hair. Slim. In my dream, she played basketball with her boys the way I did the first day I met them. She encouraged Drew, lifted Jason up to the hoop when he couldn’t reach. Laughed with them, and picked them up when they fell. That was the way I’d always imagined her to be.

It was impossible to say if Drew was right. If she’d have had what was necessary to stop Jason using cocaine. If she hadn’t died, would he have snorted the first line? Smoked weed? Would he have been so determined to prove he was someone special, and not just the boy whose mum was taken too soon?

None of the answers mattered. They wouldn’t change what was already done. The only thing to do now was move forward, if both Drew and Jason were ready and willing.

A lump of clay rested on the potter’s wheel in front of me, and I laughed to myself. It was where I always went when I needed to relax, but usually, I did

so consciously. This time, lost in my musings, I’d set everything up without thinking. Instead of changing my clothes as I normally would, I threw an old apron on for better protection, then sat down, dipping my hands in the bowl of water.

“Can I play?”

I turned at the sound of Drew’s voice. He stood behind me, hair still wet, and a towel around his waist.

Maybe this is my Demi Moore/Patrick Swayze moment.

My mouth dried out as my eyes lingered on his chest. I loved that he wasn’t as self-conscious as the night before. Since he’d opened up, it was like every part of him was mine. He’d let me further inside his head than anyone had ever been, and instead of pulling away, he wanted to be closer. All the way home, I’d expected him to shut down the way he always did when life got too heavy for him. For once, he let me stay inside the head space he usually tried to lock away, and I wanted to be there. To stay close.

I nodded, and he dragged my spare stool across the room, placing it behind me. Since he was... under-dressed, he sat sideways instead of wrapping his legs around me, but his arms snaked around my waist. His chest pressed into my back, and my perfect posture slipped away, melting a little at his touch.