“We were trying to save you from that!”
“It would have happened anyway, Ellie! It might have taken a bit longer, but it still would have happened. And if it had taken longer, at least we would have known whether there was anything worth everyone making such a big deal out of.”
That was my biggest problem with everything that had happened. Maybe, after all this, Jason and I wouldn’t have a hope in hell of sustaining a relationship anyway, but the chance to find out in a quiet, sensible way had been snatched away from us. The fact that Ellie couldn’t see that was a big part of why I was so angry with her. I truly thought she’d understand.
“Isn’t that what you and Drew wanted?” I asked, quietly. “When you first got together, you at least had a little time before your relationship was outed. Jason and I weren’t careful enough, but we only want what you and Drew wanted. Time.”
“I get that. And I understand you’re trying to do the smart thing by taking it slow, but life with Jason is anything but slow. I know he’s changed a lot but he isn’t going to suddenly settle down and live a boring, normal life.”
Who was this woman beside me? This judgemental, assuming witch who wouldn’t hear anything I was saying. Was this how she was with Jason? Smothering, unrelentless? Knowing her concern came from a good place didn’t make it any better. It was like she’d forgotten everything she knew about me, and about Jason, because she was trying to protect me from something I’d already thought about.
“Ellie, I can’t talk to you about this until you start listening. You want to know how long I’ll ignore you? It’ll be until you decide you want to hear what I have to say.”
Tears burned my eyes for the millionth time because all I really wanted was for my big sister to hold me in her arms and tell me everything would be okay, just like she did when I was younger. When she used to listen to me.
“I’m trying, Luce. And I really do know how you feel.”
I nodded. “That’s what makes this worse.”
That conversation cemented our silence for the rest of the journey home. A few hours on a plane followed by another few hours on a train seemed to stretch on forever. I spent some of the time sleeping, and a lot more scribbling things down in my journal while occasionally checking the internet to see if any other rumours or ridiculous news stories about Jason and me had popped up. Luckily, it was still the same old crap, and I didn’t have anything new to worry about.
At least, until I got home. Ellie didn’t come with me, she went straight to her own flat, leaving me to receive a pretty frosty welcome from my parents. They both hugged me, asked how I was and if I needed anything to eat, but there was an atmosphere. I’d sort of hoped they would have mellowed a little, maybe warmed to the idea of me and Jason, but that obviously wasn’t the case. Disappointment and concern was heavy in their eyes. It was as if they’d bought into the press bullshit about how Jason might have taken advantage of me or something, when they should have known better. Or maybe that wasn’t their problem. Perhaps it was just me being with Jason at all that did it. Either way, I didn’t want to hang around to ask. After grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I went up to my room and stayed there until the next morning.
**
I awoke to find I’d made the news again. Photos of Ellie and me leaving Prague airport graced the entertainment pages and led to another flood of tweets to my Twitter account – all of which I ignored because I didn’t want to know what was being said. While I knew there were people who would support me, I didn’t want the hurt or drama of those who only wanted to cause trouble. Early that morning, Derek had released a statement that politely told the world that my relationship with Jason was none of anyone’s business, and that it would not be discussed any further. He’d also blasted the accusations that Jason had somehow “groomed” me, making it clear that any relationship we had was new, and absolutely above board. We knew we wouldn’t change the opinions of people who had already made up their minds, but the rumours had to be cleared up somehow.
Aside from a quick breakfast and a mug of coffee, I pretty much confined myself to my bedroom; the only place I felt comfortable in my own home. All I needed was a mini fridge and microwave and I’d never have to go downstairs again.
“Lucy?”
Dad’s stern voice through the crack in my door made me look up from my book. I knew I couldn’t hide from them forever, but I had nothing to say. Not yet. Maybe not for a while.
But Dad was Dad, and I knew that tone. That was his “no nonsense” tone, and even Ellie at her advanced age couldn’t ignore it. I placed my book on the bed beside me. “Come in.”
As Dad entered the room I shuffled over so he could sit down. I studied him as he sank down beside me. The frown lines around his eyes let me know this conversation was going to suck, and I drew in a deep breath, readying myself to defend my feelings – again. This was why I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Because I was already sick of having to explain something that people do every day. They meet someone, they like them, they date them. Obviously Jason wasn’t your average boyfriend, but Ellie didn’t have to go through this much questioning.
“Your mum and I would like to talk to you,” Dad said. “I know you don’t want to. I know you’ve been through a lot over the last few days. But you’re our daughter, and we need to know what’s going on.”
“Dad. You know what’s going on. I haven’t left you out of anything. I’ve told you everything.”
“Then why do we still feel as if we’re in the dark?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been through every angle of this with everyone I’m close to, so I don’t know what you could be missing.”
I wasn’t trying to be difficult; I genuinely didn’t understand what they felt they didn’t know when I’d been open about it all. I hadn’t lied, or hidden anything, even though I’d wanted to tell them to stop interfering and let me be.
“We’d like to know what your plans are,” Dad said.
“My plans?” I looked up at him, shaking my head. “I don’t understand.”
“Your plans when Jason gets back.” Still confused, I continued to stare at him. I thought I’d been clear – there were no plans. The plan was to take things a day at a time. “University, Lucy. Are you dropping out?”
I shuffled farther away from him then raised my hands in a defensive gesture. “Where would you get an idea like that?”
“It’s a perfectly reasonable question. You’ve surprised us a lot already this summer. We’d like to limit any more shocks.”
The part of me that had remained in control the whole time I’d been questioned by everyone I loved exploded into a thousand pieces at his question. He wanted to treat me like a kid? How else was I supposed to react?