“Are you kidding me? I… I can’t-”
He’d actually rendered me speechless. How could he have thought that, and how could he still be talking to me like I was five years old?
“Dad, I have no intention of dropping out of university. I never had any intention of that.”
“So what will happen when Jason goes out on the road again? And when he’s out doing… whatever he does? How will that work with you in Sheffield?”
Well, this was a new level of insane. I’d told my parents Jason and I were taking things slowly, and Dad was asking me how the relationship was going to work? The relationship nobody wanted me to have. I felt like I was living in some kind of parallel universe where the people who used to listen had suddenly developed a hearing problem, and nothing I said was reaching their ears or their brains.
“We’re not married, Dad. I don’t know anything yet. I don’t know if Jason and I will even work as a couple when we’re in the real world. I’m not planning to throw away my future for something I don’t understand yet. I can’t believe you think I’m that stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you kissed someone you like a lot, and it’s confused you.”
“I’m not the one who’s confused.” I stood up and walked over to my window
, staring out onto the street I’d grown up on. The street I played on with my friends. The street where I’d lived my whole life, where I’d developed feelings for the guy I wanted to be with more than anything. And I hated it. I wanted to be anywhere but there because all it did was remind me that while I was there, living under that roof, I’d always be a child.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I love you, but I need some space right now.”
Without another word, I sped out of my room, down the stairs and out of the front door. I had no idea where I was going, I just needed some distance from my family home.
“Lucy!”
I halted at the end of my drive at yet another voice calling my name. I turned slightly to the right and saw Mr Brooks in his doorway. He smiled kindly at me. “Lucy, please could I talk to you for a minute? I won’t keep you for long.”
Mr Brooks – Michael - was a lovely man. Quiet, but kind. He looked a hell of a lot more understanding than my own father, and I smiled back at him. “Sure.”
I walked the rest of the way down my path then turned onto his. Michael ushered me inside and closed the door behind him. The familiar scent of the Brooks household made me smile. It smelled like old man aftershave, but also a little woodsy, homely. I’d never worked out what caused the wood smell, but the whole effect was comforting. More so than my own house.
Michael led me through to his living room and we sat down together on his sofa. I glanced around the room, smiling to myself at the photos on the walls. There never used to be many signs of Mrs Brooks, but after Jason’s overdose, some things had been discussed, and Jason and Drew’s mum was no longer a topic that was brushed aside. There was a stunning photo of her with her boys on the mantelpiece above the fireplace, and every time I saw it, I felt the love radiating from their smiles and their eyes.
“How are you?” Michael asked, bringing my focus back to him.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t seem to know anything at the moment, and it’s really horrible.”
Michael nodded. “It’s hard to be dragged into the spotlight, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Especially when it’s something that has been blown out of all proportion.”
“I spoke to Jason last night. I asked him to tell me what’s been going on. He’s very fond of you, Lucy.”
“I know. I feel the same.”
Michael smiled a little sadly, and I felt that ripple of dread again because I was sure he was about to echo everyone else. He’s too old for you. You’re too young to be attached to someone like Jason. You’ll get hurt. “I know you do. You know, my boys haven’t had a lot of luck with the press. In fact, when it comes to women and the press, they’ve had a very hard time. But Drew has been lucky with Ellie. She’s a good girl, and she’s good for Drew.”
Since Ellie wasn’t my favourite person at that moment, all I could do was nod. I agreed with him – Ellie and Drew were perfect for each other, but both of them had been a part of the pain I was in. I wasn’t ready to speak too favourably about them yet.
“I’ve seen you and Ellie as you’ve grown up, and I’m very proud of the women you’ve grown into, just as I know your parents are – mostly – proud of my boys. Jason’s been through a lot, and I understand why your mum and dad have been worried about you. Anyone would be in their position.”
“I understand too, but I wish they’d try to understand how I feel. I wish they’d understand that I haven’t just thrown myself into something I haven’t thought about. I’ve thought about nothing else.”
“I think they know but you’re their little girl. I love my son, but Jason isn’t the most obvious choice for a suitable boyfriend.”
“We haven’t really got as far as putting labels on anything yet. We like each other. We’d like to spend more time together, and we’d like to see where things go. We can’t possibly be any more sensible than that. We’re not rushing into anything. We just want to see what happens.”
I sighed, and then, out of nowhere, tears started to fall. I wasn’t even sure what prompted them, but suddenly they streamed down my face and my insides began to ache. They ached for how lonely I’d become, and how I was missing out on the summer I’d dreamed of. Even if I might have been on the verge of something better, it felt like all my plans had been destroyed, and there was nobody I could turn to.
Michael wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I folded into him, clinging onto him like a lifeline because so far, he’d been the only person to hear me.